The Wizard’s Princess

Solid carved oak exploded off its hinges leaving the couple it shielded hiding behind the hallway's walls. Maniacal laughing escaped its precipice. The woman clutching her boyfriend scrabbled up his lap. The mini-skirt hung off the swinging chandelier. The monster howled to high heavens making the big, brave football player shove his girlfriend off as a peace offering to a very cranky volcano. The young woman glared while in her underwear.

"Knight in shining armor my foot," growled the Princess.

She glanced skyward. The color in drained from her face. The monster's sneering eyes and teeth glowed like burning coals. She straightened up her panties. Her hands clasped to her chest trying to look as proper a daughter a half-naked girl could be. One bra strap drooped off one shoulder.

"Hi Daddy," she called, her silvery voice squeaked.

Daddy's eyes flared with sparkly hellfire.

Her boyfriend panicked in the hall imitating a helium sucking pterosaur, complete with flapping arms, and a range of expressions. Dismay morphed to resignation. Resignation gaped into recognition. Recognition screeched out "Oh crud" to what the Fudge-Under-Cupcake-Kitties in that same order. His girlfriend bowed her head in shame. The "man" she loved having thrown her under a bus.

"What is the meaning of this!" boomed Daddy, "You there, puny peasant, march yourself into my sights!"

Both scared little teens shuffled into the open. Whatever eagerness the boyfriend had shriveled away. There amidst the chaos flung clothes hung at weird angles. The stench wafted a tattletale stinker of their escapades. Daddy fell to one knee. Twenty tons of armored muscle lifted the boy's and girl's bowed head with one claw tip.

"Explain yourselves," Daddy requested a fireball flashed in his free hand.

The boyfriend's bounded through the window. Never had an athlete ever tripped over a bush so gracefully while hopping a fence. Brambles slapped his face. Thornbushes ripped his briefs. The girlfriend called after him. She waved his pants with her other hand.

"Wait!" she shouted, "You dropped your..."

The Princess's eyes slackened to saucer size. A scroll unfurled from the football player's ripped pants. It bounced across the floor. A tattered trail painting miles to its paper surface.

"Phone numbers," trailed off the Princess, "And condoms? Oh... dear."

Daddy tutted. His heartbroken daughter sobbed into his hand.

"Sweetie, I forbid this boyfriend from stepping into this house ever again." he stated.

"Can you teach me how to blast him too," she sniffled, "One laser burn for every heart he's broken."

The big evil warlock smiled. His thumb ruffled the girl's hair. Eyes glistening at the father/daughter bonding over spilled vengeance.

"You're grounded," he concluded. She gasped with horror and he added, "After we rob his village and donate his riches to the poor and downtrodden."

The Princess gave her father a wan smile. Sometimes, it stunk having an evil warrior wizard for a father. Yet sometimes she loved her Daddy. This was one of those times.

"Thank you," she stated, "Just don't roast him too much. I want the kids to see his reaction at school tomorrow."