Brat Attitude Turned to Gratitude

I hate the weather. Is it hot or cold. If it’s hot, tell me now so I don’t look like an idiot at school in 70 degree heat. If it is cold, I don’t want to catch a cold that I can get from the fluctuating weather. I hate the fact that our school is K-12th grade so we have to integrate with the runny nosed third graders who have their hopes way too high, the junior high acting too grown for their own good, and the seniors acting like the run the school because the are the veterans of the school. I hate this time of year. This stupid holiday is just an awkward gap between Halloween and Christmas. Think about it: why eat an exorbitant amount of food on this day? This is just a glorified feast that celebrates what exactly? I can feast on graduation, where I move up academically and mentally. Or on someone’s birthday when they can celebrate being blessed with another year of living. Or even February 15th where all the single people can celebrate chocolate being on sale. Thanksgiving is just eating, something that is done every day. At this time of year, I have very little to be thankful for.

“Nicole, can you help me with the groceries?”, I heard my mom call out to me from the front door waiting for me to unlock because yet again, she forgot her house keys. I reluctantly open the door and carry some bags that are for the impending holiday which is the dreaded Thanksgiving.

Cheese. Gouda. Monterey Jack. Cheddar.

Either my mom is making her three cheese vegetarian lasagna or she snapped and is now feeding some random mice.

“Mama? Why’d you buy all this cheese?” A part of me already knew the answer.

My mom had that excited mom look on her face when she replied. “Oh, this?” She said in mock surprise. “You already know that I’m making my-”

“Famous four cheese vegetarian lasagna,” my mom and I say in unison because I don’t even know why I asked in the first place, since I knew the answer.

“Well don’t be such a grouch about it,” my mom giggles and walks into the kitchen and starts to chop up some bell peppers.

I roll my eyes and sigh at my household. I have every right to be a grouch about thanksgiving. My mom is such a nerd about Thanksgiving you’d think it was Christmas. She puts little hand turkeys on the fridge like I used to do when I was in kindergarten. It is kind of childish and dumb but she says it gives the kitchen “a touch of naivety”. She also decorates the house with strings of fall leaves, like she can’t just take the leaves I raked outside and sprinkle them inside for “decoration”. I expressed this idea to her and she said that it would not only not look nice, but it would infest our household with dirt and bugs. I admit that I said that last “idea” to tick her off. It serves her right for being too sensitive about this idiotic time of year.

The next two days were a blur of loads of homework that was meant to be for break but I knocked it out early, friends talking about their plans and me not caring, and the cold weather eating at my soul. I was somewhat happy to get out of school but then I realized that I was going to be going home to a holiday that I couldn't stand. Boy, this is going to be great. Every day, when I walk home from school, I see the same man go to the corner store, get a turkey sandwich and go about his day. I never know what his deal is but I assume that he is doing just enough to get by which is I guess better than being on the street. I waved to him a couple of times but I don't think he has ever waved back.

I get home and immediately fall asleep after taking a shower, putting on fresh pajamas and binge watching the last portion of whatever shows that Netflix has given me until next year. It was a pretty uneventful day to say the least, which is the exact opposite of what Thanksgiving day is going to be.

I woke up to an aroma of all types of foods. I don't really know if I woke up late or if she woke up early but it seems like she cooked a lot. I can admit, the food did smell pretty tasty but I was just going to treat it like a normal day. I know there are some people that don't eat breakfast and wait until dinner shows up but I don't really care. I eat like a normal person and don't overindulge when the final product is finished. So I grab a banana and some granola and sit in front of the TV to watch some cartoons. I know it's not the most impressive routine but hey, it's better than nothing.

My temporary moments of peace are soon disturbed by the plethora of family members rolling in. This is one of the parts of Thanksgiving I hate the most. The amount of “hi’s” and “how are you’s” and “what have you been doing the past year” are really annoying. If you really wanted to know, there's the whole rest of the year to follow up and find out. I swear family members could be so fake sometimes but I have to swallow it and put a fake smile my face in the name of politeness. I kissed the aunties, I hugged the uncles and I rolled my eyes at the cousin that swears that she's the Alpha of the family because she got into Harvard. My extended family is a lot of things but normal functioning is not one of them. I don't know but once we are all together, nothing good ever comes to play.

As soon as politic talk occurs, I am out the door. I briefly tell my mom that I'm going to go take a walk. She halfheartedly nods mostly because she's distracted by the discussion. That gives me the perfect opportunity to leave and get a breath of fresh air. Aside from being nippy and very annoying, this weather is good for escaping into.

I am only a couple of blocks from my house when I see the same man who gets a turkey sandwich every day sitting with his head down and rubbing his hands together. Next to him is a hat that is filled with loose change and a balled up sticky note.

“Hey Sir, what are you doing out here in the cold?” I asked politely.

He hold up the change filled hat and says with a husky and rough voice that I never heard before, “What do you think?” He puts the change back down and puts his head down probably expecting me to walk away.

However, I don't walk away. I am now intrigued by whatever this man’s story is.

“What happened to you?” I ask as I find myself sitting next to him and looking at him, waiting for an answer.

“Had you asked me that two years ago, I would've told you that I was down on my luck, that one mistake brought me this fate, that people's apathy not only surprise me, not only haunt me, but cripple me every day. Since you asked now, I can say that nothing has been happening.” His reply shocked me but it also led to one more question.

“I never would have guessed it. I see you go the store and get a turkey sandwich and go about your day… I guess like any other working person. How did I never guess?” I asked in shock of my own obliviousness and ignorance.

He chuckled and said in a half joking, half serious tone, “I put up a pretty good front, don't I?” He drinks a water that I didn't know was next to him and then tells me, “ Why don't you go back to your family for Thanksgiving dinner?” as he musters a smile and looks away.

So I get up and go.

I walked into the house without being noticed by my family, who are all still engrossed in their conversations and their food. Of course, my mom doesn't notice me take one of her one of her lasagna platters along with a few of those huge bottles of water, a fork, some napkins, and some turkey.

The walk to where the man probably still was seemed a little bit longer because I had a lot of realizations in my mind. I could tolerate the cold weather because I have multiple coats to keep warm. If I am already warm I can just take off my coat and carry it because that manual labor is a cakewalk compared to what other people have to endure just to survive on this dog eat dog world. I can tolerate all the kids in my school because they give me a chance to see what acceptance and friendship feels like. The ones that bother me give me practice on how to live beyond the nuisances in your life. This exorbitant amount of food is a reflection of the things I am fortunate enough to have and the things other people dream and pray about having every day. Therefore, for that realization and the blessing this man I just had a conversation with is about to receive, I am truly thankful.