The Sermon

*Inspired by an encounter I had several years ago with a homeless man who called himself Father Shenanigans. I bought him a coffee and he rewarded me with his origin story. Santa Barbara, CA*

I am everything, or have been everything.

I am Prometheus, wielder of fire.

I am also Christ Michael.

There are nine Christs—no, I’m sorry.

No, there's only three of us left now.

Where did I put that damned lighter?

So small, it gets lost easily.

Small things like to get lost.

I can't borrow your lighter, friend.

Neither your generosity nor your lighter

will be here forever—

Is that half a cigarette by your feet?

Give it here, friend.

There’s real things and there’s

fake things and one of our jobs

as messengers is to be able

to distinguish the two.

The idiot over there—see, that’s a faker.

Observe the servile grin,

the sycophantic slump

His sole aspiration in his tiny

birdcage of a life is to wipe

the assholes of bigger assholes.

Tell me—do you consider yourself

to be a self-made man?

You guess?

But have you ever killed a child molester?

Then you're not a self-made man

in anyone's eyes.

I know things. 

I remember when my first wife died—

Did I spit? I’m sorry. It’s hard to vocalize

with a missing row of teeth.

And sometimes I get carried away.

Peace, brother?

Listen and learn well, angel messenger.

If that's what you are

I don’t have very much time here,

So listen closely…

Here's a parable for you:

when I was young, a black widow 

once crawled in my nose and ended up here.

I didn’t do anything, didn’t stop it or

prevent it or

crush the spider or

freak out.

It was god, the spider,

telling me to have faith.

All I had then 

were suspicions and cautions.

Most people mistrust false light

but they don’t see through false darkness,

which is Lucifer.

Most things try to put up

a good appearance,

but who the fuck else 

uses false evil as a lure?

I was Thomas Edison.

I made the light.

I grew the flame.

Reincarnation. 

Another life over.

I’m so glad.

Life is long and horrible

but there's always beauty in it, you know?

My next life will see bad and good things.

I’m gonna head down to Casa Esperanza.

They’ll be closed by now, of course,

but I’ll find a place out of the wind

and—rest. 

Rest awhile.

Everything leaves you in the end.

My wife died in ’97 and I still cry,

I was at the hospital with my son

and I cried thinking of her.

My son is in the hospital.

Oh, it’s minor, it’s heart arrhythmia

or something.

Nothing life threatening.

And if it is, well then—

his cycle is at an end, isn’t it?

I just have to—you see, we don’t have much time

and I have to try to make you understand

in the short time that we do have.

I was there in the beginning,

in the Garden of Eden with Eve, my wife.

We never left it, that’s a lie spread

by that fucking Lucifer.

Remember this:

In the end, you’re alone.

In the end, we’re alone.

There’s worlds of gods,

There’s shades of dark.

Remember also that somewhere

in another dark,

the devil is a hero.

Entrepreneur, educator.

I brought forth fire.

I was President Nixon.

This must have been—fuck—it’s gone,

They keep taking it from me.

Life suffers and is suffering,

you know this, although you

haven't seen much of it.

Well maybe you have, friend,

who can say for the quiet ones?

Those who suffer do it silently,

they hoard it like treasure,

the loud mourner is a liar.

I fathered the whole human race.

I made you, you are a part of me.

All I’ve created will return to me.

It’s a never-ending cycle of

our recycled selves.

This must have started around—

It’s gone again—

They keep taking it from me.

Do?

What did I do?

I don’t understand the question.

The fallen messenger,

I thought you had woken up…

but after all these eons,

you’re still asleep.