The Scent of Almonds (excerpt from YA novel in progress)

It happens like this sometimes. People with clean clothes and a good living suddenly find themselves thrown into a kind of fever. They rip bed sheets into ropes and climb down from third story windows to escape their houses even though the door is unlocked. They tell the Oversight Committee that they fear someone is listening to them through keyholes and flowerpots. They insist that there is something they must find, something they must do or remember or realize. Their families worry and their neighbors talk, because people do that. Invariably the Oversight Committee will place them into a treatment program and their families will continue to worry, their neighbor’s talk will increase and drown out the conspiracy theories about the Governors. It happens like this.

Gaia tells of days when the sun was more than a source of light and heat. She says that people wrote poetry about the sun and about the moon. She says that people are the sun, that people are the moon. When Gaia talks the children in the street laugh. “They are a new generation,” Gaia says. “They will be the last chance of the dreamers. Their children will not dream if there is no Shifting. They will not dream and they will not even know what they are missing.”

In my dreams there are colors, vibrant colors and smells, like the almonds from Gaia’s kitchen and the dinners my mother makes when Paul comes home from school every year. There are words, floating on rivers and branches overhanging the river are filled with children, laughing. In the distance there are storms and sunlight and skies filled with birds or hovercraft. In my dreams, I am often running and when I wake, I am panting and out of breath and I am relieved to wake up, and I am also grieved for the world in my dream.

…

Abbi lifted the bundle of clothes from Gaia’s floor placing them gently on the bed. The scent of almonds was nearly overwhelming now and Abbi had to sit down next to them before she began to fold them neatly. She closed her eyes and inhaled, remembering something just out of reach of herself. She shook her head and groaned in frustration.

Gaia emerged in the doorway and hobbled quietly into the room. She chuckled softly “You are thinking too hard.” She made her way to the hard backed chair nearest the bed.

“I can’t explain it, “ Abbi began, “that smell reminds me of something and I don’t know what it reminds me of. Isn’t that crazy?”

Gaia nodded, her eyebrows upraised, “Yes,” she said firmly and then she broke into an old woman’s cackle. Abbi shook her head again and smiled. “It will come to you,” Gaia assured her. “It will come to you in time, in God’s time. You’re not ready yet to know why it lingers in you. It will come.”

“Does everyone have these, uh…” Abbi searched for a word, “flashes?” Gaia stared out the window.

“Yes.” She turned to look back at Abbi, her face creased with age and concern. Her eyes crinkled at the edge, “they do not seek it out but yes, they have the memory, the memory of us all. Most will brush it off, like lint from their shoulder; they’ll blame it food poisoning or too much wine. Yet, we are all poets, even the Governors are poets, even the well informed, the inner circle, but of course, they already know everything. Their memories are strong. It’s safe for them to remember, you see.”

Abbi nodded, but she did not really understand. Often when Gaia spoke of these things she nodded. Often Abbi would write it down anyway, even though she did not understand. Gaia said it was important and that one day it would be clear.

 Abbi folded the sheets carefully, smoothing out the places where the wrinkles seemed to be setting in. Gaia was fortunate to have someone willing to dry her laundry once a week. Her next-door neighbor, Patrice had known Gaia for most of her adult life. At one time, Patrice had come to Gaia’s house along with most of the city when Gaia spoke. Patrice stopped coming when the Sentries began to make themselves more visible. She was afraid of what it meant and had confessed this to Gaia who encouraged her to follow her conscience. Patrice no longer came to Gaia’s on Sunday but she was eager to help out in any way she could. Abbi thought that perhaps she felt guilty but Gaia only sighed when Abbi suggested this. She would take Abbi’s face in her soft, leather hands and kiss her forehead. “Let us save our mistrust for another. When we begin to talk this way we lose the thread of our present moment. It is all we have, this thread. Be at peace, Abbi.” As she said this she released Abbi’s face and touched her own forehead and heart with her fingertips. Abbi smiled at the gesture. Gaia’s responses had become entirely predictable. It was comforting.

 The knock at the door startled Abbi. She and Gaia exchanged a quick look. “Do you want me to get it?” Abbi offered.

“No, no…” Gaia said, waving her hand casually. “I am not concerned.” Abbi moved from the door automatically, unsure of what she ought to do. She had no reason to fear the Sentries or the Oversight Committee. Even so, she found that she was concerned. Too much had happened in the last few days with Peter’s leaving and the whisperings of “shifting” in the other continents. Gaia swung the door open wide without care. She placed her hands on her squat hips, “Yes?” The man who stood on the porch looked to be in his mid 40’s, clean cut and well dressed. Abbi had never seen him before. Through the screen door Abbi could only barely make out the color of his suit but the coat over top was light brown, perhaps khaki and very clean. She peered out from the room to get a better look and he made eye contact with her.

 He smiled and waved slightly. “Hello…well, to you both. Mrs. Calder, I’m Robert Murdoch, from the Homeland Office. I wondered if I could have a word or two with you.” Gaia smiled her wise, confident smile and tilted her head.

She opened the door as she answered “Of course, Mr. Murdoch.”

 Robert Murdoch stepped carefully through the screen door, a mild smile fixed on his face but Abbi could see the trepidation in his eyes and it confused her. She knew that the government had been watching Gaia for many years. She was not sure why Mr. Murdoch would seem nervous. He stopped just inside the door and turned to Gaia. He held out his hand, “I’m glad to meet you, finally.” Gaia took his hand in both of hers and held it a moment. She looked into his eyes without flinching and it seemed to Abbi as though he melted into her. Abbi closed her eyes and exhaled. Mr. Murdoch broke the handshake with Gaia and looked to Abbi. Abbi felt unsteady. She could feel the blood draining from her face.

  “Are you all right?” he asked. Abbi nodded and blinked her eyes open.

“I’ve been a little dizzy lately. I’m sorry. I think I may have a virus or something.” She caught Gaia’s eye as she spoke and then chuckled slightly. Gaia walked past Murdoch and ushered him into the small living room. She pointed to a chair opposite her own recliner. “Please sit.” She placed her hand on Abbi’s shoulder and turned her toward to the door. “Abbi, you should perhaps go home to lie down.” She moved her hands to either side of Abbi’s head and tilted it down to kiss her forehead. “You are warm.”

Abbi nodded and looked to Mr. Murdoch, “Pleased to have met you,” she said.

He affixed his polite smile and gave her a curt nod. “Yes,” he said, holding her gaze a moment too long for Abbi’s liking.

 Abbi wrapped her scarf around her head carefully, ready for the cold air and buttoned her coat. She turned to Gaia and forced herself to appear “unconcerned” but Abbi knew that she was failing. Abbi usually prided herself on stoic response to stressful matters but it had been a long and strange week. Her protective layer had worn thin, the veneer splitting and cracking around the edges. Gaia waved Abbi out of the foyer, “Go, rest” she said with authority and Abbi obeyed without any further thought of it. When she reached the porch Abbi turned to see Gaia close the inner door. She flipped her hood up over her head and nestled into her parka as she began the short walk home. The wind had kicked up, the sky gray with no sign of the sun.