THIS IS TOLD IN THE LANGUAGE OF MY HOME, the Bayou of Tiger Island, Louisiana USA.
HEARTBREAK....
I only tell you these tings because dey were life lessons dat have truly come full circle now. Take dese pieces of my heart and learn my children so dat you may not have to go trough dis same pains dat I once did.
Broken heart pain, it changes you cheré.
Once I thought telling my mother I was pregnant before I was married was de hardest decision I ever made.
Den...
Once I knew dat letting my stepdaughter go back to her bipolar mother would be such a bad idea. Her mother and father just used her to play games on each other, de did not care for my daughter! Jus cut out my heart right den!
Once I had a four month old baby boy. "Oh my God!" I cried. My baby was stricken wit
Spinal meningitis! For a whole month I stayed wit him up in dat hospital, an him ain't gettin no better. I had to make a tough decision right den an there, Brain Surgery!
Him came out ok, Aspergers, a scar from ear to ear, and epilepsy. He is a good man now.
Once I had a 14 year old son. He was my eldest son, very bright and beautiful child heart of a warrior. If only.....if only..... If only.. I just keep thinking if only I had known about the rape and the threats made against me at that time I could have done something more to help my son. He was so Angry and full of rage all the time, the least thing would set him off into a rage! The last straw was when he took a knife to his eight year old brothers troat. What was I to do?
Hardest decision at that time was to send my eldest son to a home for boys in Texas.
Yes I lost more pieces of my heart. I cried for my boy many nights. I prayed he would get the help he needed there. (Never send a Native American to a white Christian school!)One of de worst decisions I ever made!
Years later dis same son whom I love wit all my soul, needed a place to stay wit his wife an two babies. I said "of course come, I have room." At first he was grateful, but 3months later he decided he was boss of MY house.
MAMMA DONT PLAY DAT SHIT!
I realize den dat all those times before were practice for what I had to do now.
I done told dat boy he ain't talkin to me like dat an he can jus haul hims ass out de dor!
He called me a cunt and whore!
Now you may tink de hardest part was to banish hims from my house, but no!
De hardest decision I had to make dat day was to send my daughter in law and two precious grand babies away because I new if I let dem stay, my son would be right back treatin me de same way.
De hardest decision a Mother will ever have to make is when to be strong enough to love her child hard so dat he learn hims lesson in life.
Dat make hims a better man, better dan hims father was.
Dat what my job in dis life is.
Jesus help me, God is great!'