To the Great Unknown

Cassie was an inquisitive toddler. Despite her illnesses, she learned about things all around her and yearned for new experiences. She had begun to form thoughts in her head at a very young age, and the thought that captivated her more than anything was the ocean. She had never been to the ocean and spent most of her time in bed or at the hospital, but it was close and she could see it sometimes from afar. Cassie had this undeniable urge to go to the water’s edge, she wanted to be in it and let it take her away. Some might think this is just the active imagination of a child, but then some cannot see beyond sight.

Cassie had not yet been told what was real and what was not, so she still clung to her sense of wonder. Even with the constant doctor visits she found strength in the idea of the ocean. Her dreams were of a beautiful place far from where she lived, where she was beneath the water’s surface. She began to draw pictures and paint, when she could talk she began to tell stories. Nobody knew where it all came from, but most thought it was cute and adorned her with trinkets from the sea. She was most proud of her collection of seashells, but she longed to pick one up herself.

Ever since she could talk she asked to go to the ocean, and now it was her time. She would finally be able to go to the place she dreamed of. Her fourth birthday was a special affair and she had been well for some time, it had been months since her last sign of illness. To celebrate the family gathered with friends to make the trip to the beach for her birthday. It was not far but Cassie couldn't help but be excited, this made the journey stretch into an unfathomable length of time. When the trip had almost become too much for her to bear, they came to a stop and she looked around excitedly. She could see some sand but it was difficult to make out from her seat.

“We’re here,” her father announced as he stood. She was so excited that she let out a scream and a bit of laughter. The ocean was right there, the place she had imagined, the place she had dreamed of. It was all right there.

“I want to go daddy,” Cassie cried with out-stretched arms as he lifted her up. Her father was strong and she loved for him to carry her. She smiled as she was surrounded by all the people she knew and loved. Her mother looked up to her in her father’s arms and smiled too knowing that this day was especially exciting for her daughter.

The procession of family and friends made their way to the beach and found a proper location to establish camp. Food and drinks were set out with some shade and places to sit. Cassie was restless during this time as she was told not to go to the ocean without her parents. She wanted to so bad, but seeing it here gave her pause. It was quite big and she felt so small compared to it, but it did not make her fearful. It made her feel a respect, if she even knew what respect was. It was an odd feeling to be turning four and knowing your purpose in life so powerfully. Her father came up to her with a bag and sat down next to her. She was so occupied with scanning the horizon that she hardly acknowledged him.

“Well my little mermaid,” he said looking down with a smile prompting Cassie to look back at him and return a smile. “Shall we go for a swim in the ocean?” he asked as he watched her eyes go wide and her smile grow much too large for such a small face.

“Can we?” Cassie asked excitedly.

“We can, your mum just wants you to wear this,” her father said as he pulled a colorful object from the bag. “It is a life vest,” he explained as he presented it to her.

“What's it for?” Cassie asked as she inspected the cloth and foam device.

“It's to protect you,” her mother answered as she walked up and sat on the other side of her.

“Protect me from what?” Cassie asked as she was not sure what dangers she may encounter.

“Well,” her father said, “the ocean is a big place and you’re a little girl, it will keep you safe.”

“Ok,” Cassie replied not sure what she needed to be kept safe from or how it even worked.

“Great, let me help you put it on and we can go to the ocean,” her mother said as she stood leaving a hand for her to grab.

“Yeah!” Cassie exclaimed as she reached up and grabbed her mother’s hand to stand. The life vest felt awkward at first and it took a little getting used to. Her arms did not rest quite right and it forced her head forward, but it was manageable, especially if it allowed her to go to the ocean.

“I’ll race you there,” her father said after he took off his shirt and sandals. They both ran laughing and playing while her mother followed, amused by the two. Cassie loved her parents and her thoughts once so focused on the ocean were now of pure joy as she played with her father in the sand. She wanted to show her parents the places that she had been to in her dreams.

They ran until they got to the water’s edge and Cassie unknowingly stepped onto the wet sand, pausing instantly. In that moment she felt something, something powerful and profound. She looked down at her feet but they were not the same, they seemed to be much larger. Her hands and body seemed larger too. She felt like she was in the same place, but something was different. She looked back and the entire city beyond the beach was gone, just a stretch of wilderness past the sand. She looked to the ocean and felt it pull her forward. She took a step and felt a tug at her arm. She was not sure what it was and at first resisted until she heard a faint echo.

“Cassie,” he father called to her. She had stepped onto the wet sand and went from laughter and movement, to still silence. He was not sure if it was her excitement or if something was wrong, but she was not moving or talking. He began to worry and reached down to grab her hand. She seemed to examine herself and look back to where everyone else was, then back out toward the sea. Cassie’s eyes did not look normal and he began to grow fearful as he tugged her hand. She pulled away slightly and he continued to call her name with no response, “Cassie, are you ok? Cassie?”

She could feel the tug and began to hear the faint sound of her name. The voice was familiar and made her smile. She wasn’t sure of the source of the voice, but felt it drifting softly on the ocean breeze. She looked down and watched as another wave was about to crash, this made her most excited. She was unsure of her surroundings, could not see anyone else, but nothing made her fearful still. The prospect of the wave washing over her brought a tear of joy that rolled down her cheek.

“Honey, what is wrong?” her father asked as he looked up to her mother who ran to their side. He saw his girl staring at the ocean and then down to the waves. Several had crashed on the shore but none had reached them at the edge of the wet sand. He jostled Cassie’s hand a little more trying to illicit a response from his baby girl as he watched a tear trickle off her cheek. The wave came up and moved majestically toward them but neither he nor her mom noticed it.

Cassie could see the wave and now felt the grip on her hand tighten. She felt her hand jostle as the wave moved to its final point before crashing. She was not going to be denied this moment and ignored the voice. She jerked her hand away from whatever was pulling and closed her eyes in anticipation of the coming sensation. Her heart began to beat faster and time seemed to slow as the wave approached the edge of the wet sand where she stood.

Like the first kiss of a beautiful relationship, like reuniting with a long missed loved one, like the embrace of one’s own god. Cassie found something in that instant as the water touched her feet. It was so overwhelming it pushed the energy out her body forcing her eyes open and her lungs to draw a deep breath. It was more than anything she could ever explain at the ripe age of four, more than life itself. She could feel the power of the ocean permeate her very soul as if she belonged to it. Her eyes looked to the sky as she realized she had fallen to the ground.

As the world came back she heard her father worriedly calling her name, her mother had gone to get her grandfather. Cassie looked up and saw the sky with an airplane high above them and glanced to her father smiling. She lifted her head and looked back, she could see the city once more. She looked quickly at herself, her hands and feet seemed to have returned to their normal size as she inspected them.

“Cassie can you hear me?” her father asked as he looked over her cradling her head. He had just watched her collapse and was not sure if he should move her or what to do, that made him the most scared.

“It’s the ocean daddy, I get to go to the ocean,” she said in a soft voice with her usual smile. Just then her mother had returned with her grandfather. He handled most of Cassie’s doctor visits at his own office and with the steady hands of a seasoned professional began to inspect his granddaughter checking for any negative signs.

“Are you feeling any pain right now Cassie?” her grandfather asked.

“What’s wrong Granpa?” she questioned unsure of why her parents and grandfather seemed so concerned.

“Nothing dear, you just fell over is all,” he said trying to keep her calm as he finished his examination. He had a brief conversation with her parents after they brought Cassie back to the camp to rest. He concluded that it could simply be excitement, but he was not sure. What he did know was that he did not see any symptoms that would lead him to believe she was in any imminent danger.

“I just don’t know, maybe we should call it a day,” her mother suggested. Cassie was sitting in the shade of the camp trying to hold on to the sensation she had felt when the wave hit her feet.

“She seems to be fine, let’s not be hasty,” her father said. As her parents spoke with the other adults to the side of their camp Cassie had gotten up to her feet.

She looked back to the adults who seemed pre-occupied with something. She was not sure what was bothering them but chose not to interrupt. Cassie had not protested when her father carried her away from the ocean because she was still trying to understand the feeling and what had happened. Now as she looked toward the expanse she wanted to go back. Normally she would not go off by herself, but this time she decided it was ok. She walked until she stood alone on the ocean’s edge. She was smiling.