Pandora 15 Chapter 1

     The darkness was like a thousand fingers pulling him into a nightmare.  If he didn't get control of himself, his breathing, panic would consume him and he would lose his mind. The darkness would win.  He was sure.  He took a few deep, shaky breaths, the earthen smell of the walls filling his nostrils.  

     The scent of the suffocating crawl space always reminded him of the smell of the world after it rained, when all of the earthworms came out of the ground and slithered around in puddles of water too big for them to escape from.  It seemed to him like all of the worms of the world perished with every storm.  How were there more of them when they all seemed to drown or get stranded on the hot concrete when the sun suddenly came back out?  They looked to him like tiny pieces of bacon frying on the pavement-just languishing away into little crispy things.  

     If that wasn't enough to completely wipe them out there were worms that got ran over by cars; by people backing out of their driveways-unknowingly smashing countless numbers in the path of the wheels.  Then there were the worms that you accidentally stepped on when you rushed outside after the rain finally stopped.  You took a few sporadic, excited steps before you realized you were taking lives in the process.  You looked at the remnants of the helpless squirming things partially attached to your shoe and partially pancaked onto the ground.

     You felt bad, in a distant kind of way.  They were too small to really matter to you but you knew that they were no more.  No matter what, that was sad.  Everything wanted to live and these tiny, helpless creatures were at the mercy of the big, cruel world all around them.  They were utterly defenseless, surrounded by a million ways to die.  

     That's how he felt every day: alone, unprotected, insignificant, invisible.  

     In the nearly complete darkness he was in, every sound felt like impending pain or death.  Unknown things with hideous mouths and giant claws could be imagined scratching themselves out of the dirt floor to come and take him back to hell with them.  

     Breath, breath....he told himself.  Deep breaths.  It's ok...it's ok.  There is nothing here.  You've been here before.  

     A screech caught in his throat as a stair creaked in the absolute blackness above his head.  "God please". He whispered.  "I promise to be a good boy.  Please don't let anything get me".

     He wanted to bang on the door and scream until his throat was raw with every ounce of his being.  He didn't.  It took everything in him not to but he knew she would probably beat him to death if he did.  She had threatened as much before.  She had beaten him enough for him to know she had it in her.  He had seen it in her eyes more than once-a shiny craziness that alluded to a kind of emptiness inside.  The kind of emptiness some people have where you know accidentally stepping on worms doesn't bother them in the least. The kind of emptiness where they might actually enjoy it in fact.      He screamed in his mind instead.  He took deep breaths, closed his eyes, slowly unclenched his fists, clenched them again involuntarily and focused his mind on relaxing them again.  

     He was sitting in front of the door.  The only light at all coming from the miniscule crack between the door and the ground.  There was a little light...there was always a little, just enough to remind him that there was a world full of light outside.  This wasn't the universe.  He wouldn't be in this crushing darkness forever. 

     Deep breath.  Calm. Calm.  It was working, he was calming down.  The sense of overwhelming dread was receding back into the blackness from where it came- like so many childhood monsters retreating back into the closet with the breaking dawn.  

     Like countless other times he willed his mind away from his make-shift prison.  Ever so slowly he felt his body becoming distant and small..his breathing becoming shallow.  

     The blades of greenest grass caressed his bare legs and feet as he ran through them, tickling him.  The field was immense- a sea of grass and vibrant, beautiful wildflowers.  There were giant, billowing trees encircling the field, protecting it in a hug.  Big fluffy clouds drifted through the sky and the air smelled fragrant with lilacs.  The birds were singing and chirping-everything was so alive.  He was alone in the field and there was just enough of a breeze.     

     He held the string in his hand as he ran and felt the kite buck up and down before finally catching a current and gracefully taking it's place in the sky.  He didn't have to run now.  He stood letting out more string so that it could fly even higher.  It was a brilliant swirl of color almost as high as the clouds.  He could hear the wind tugging at the fabric-the sound of a giant bird flapping it's wings.  

     When the kite was high enough, he climbed up the string and onto the kite. He flew first around the field and then further away.  The ground looked so distant.  Everything looked so peaceful and serene.  He loved the way the wind felt pushing against him, resisting his presence in the sky.  

     In the hidden space the little boy, alone in the darkness, sat on the dirt floor, eyes closed, smiling.  A single tear slipping slowly down his cheek.  

     It felt like lightning flashing through his brain when the door suddenly opened and the daylight flooded in.  He couldn't keep his eyes open for a few moments-it hurt too badly.  He blinked repeatedly and held his hand up to shield himself from it's intrusiveness.  

"Come on" She said kindly. "You can come out now."  She grabbed his small hand and helped him to stand.  He was disoriented.  He lost all track of time and his sense of reality when he was in there.  

     Stepping over her high heels and pushing aside hanging clothes he made his way out of the hidden compartment in the back of her closet and out into her bedroom.  She held his hand the whole time-his eyes finally becoming adjusted to the light.  

     She knelt down in front of him and looked him over.  She wiped a smudge of dirt off of his cheek with her thumb.  She looked him the the eyes-she had the most beautiful sea-foam green eyes.  She hugged him-his whole body stiffened at this unexpected show of affection.  Everything about her hugging him and being kind to him felt wrong.  It felt like a trap.  She was the big bad wolf dressed up like the warm and caring grandma-imitating someone you trusted just so she could devour you. 

     "Plan 15" She said handing him a piece of caramel.

     It was his cue.  "Plan 15" he said back.  Forcing a smile.  She seemed satisfied with his response and walked out of the room.  

     Plan 15 had been drilled into him his entire life.   It was the reason for everything...the reason for the trips to the closet.  How long had he been in there this time?  Hours?  Days?  He had no idea. 

     What did she always say?  It would all be worth it.  Plan 15 would change their lives... and something about it being the greatest plan that the world would never know.  He didn't give a shit about plan 15-hated it in fact.  She was crazy.  All he wanted right now was to take a super long, boiling hot shower, play x box,

 and to not see her ever again.