Sunday is Laundry Day

Ethan's been doing his own laundry for nearly all his life. It's become a comfort of sorts, a ritual. He enjoys keeping his things clean, and he especially enjoys folding his warm, scented clothes. He usually does it all at once on a Sunday. He'll bring a book down to the bare, dusty laundry room in the basement of his apartment building that no one else ever uses and load up just about every washer they have - which isn't very many, for the record. Washing, drying, and folding usually takes him about three hours, but it's three hours that he enjoys. 

So. That's what Ethan's doing one Sunday when Ben, Ethan's brand new next door neighbor, shows up with a man bun, a sheepish half-smile, and two full baskets of dirty clothes. 

"Ethan," Ben says in greeting. Ethan nods in response, folding his favorite navy blue sweater with care. He doesn't take his eyes off the other man. He likes Ben, don't get him wrong, but he's still cautious. Ethan's other neighbors have a lot to say about the newest tenant in their close-knit building. Stories of Ben's time in the army, rumors of trauma, and whispers of PTSD fill the older ladies' Saturday bingo tournaments. So he's cautious the way people are cautious of a flame - always aware of the other man's presence, always curious. 

Ben busies himself with one of the washers. Ethan watches, amused, as Ben kicks and swears under his breath and even tries cajoling it to get it working. 

"Can't bribe a washing machine, Ben," Ethan drawls lazily. He gets nothing but a stink eye from the man. Ethan snorts and sets down the jeans he's folding. "Lemme see it." 

"You don't have to," the other man mutters. "I'll get it eventually, I always do."

Ethan "hmm"s like he believes him and then flips a few of the switches once he's had a glance at what exactly it is that Ben'll be putting in the washer. Hot water, heavy cycle for the whites and cool water, normal cycle for everything else. 

"Why're you using two?" 

Ethan stills just as he's about to push the start button and throws Ben an incredulous look. 

"Don't tell me you've been throwing everything in all together?" 

Ben shrugs, "What else would I do?" 

Ethan rolls his eyes and pushes the start button, and then he begins a lecture on the right way to load a washing machine and how to separate by color.

~~~

Ben joins him pretty often after that. Ethan's not sure why, but Ben shows up at the laundry room every Sunday just a few minutes after Clint gets there himself. They work mostly in silence now that Ben's got a handle on the whole washer situation, but every one in a while one of them starts up a conversation about something. 

One week they talk for nearly an entire washing cycle about that TV show that plays reruns every night at 11 - turns out they've both got a taste for dragons and blood.

Ethan very carefully doesn't hover too long on any of the militaristic aspects of the show, and Ben doesn't say anything either. 

And then they realize they both love crime television. 

"It's dumb, though," Ben grumbles. "It's the same thing every time. Someone dies or gets beat up, they can't find the guy, they look for the guy, they eventually find the guy, and then they go to court." Ben shakes his head and mumbles again, "Jus' dumb."

~~~

He has to teach Ben about dry-cleaning after the man washes a very expensive suit with a couple pairs of sweat pants. The outcome is horrific.

~~~

"I heard something interesting yesterday," Ben finally says after nearly two and a half hours of silence. Ethan's been slightly concerned because after nearly three months of Sundays with Ben, he usually can't get the man to stop talking. 

"Oh?" Ethan tips his head and eyes Ben carefully. He's been twitchy - well, twitchier than normal. He worries a t-shirt he favors between his hands and can't seem to look Ethan in the eye. It takes a few minutes for Ben to respond. 

"Heard you were married," Ben mutters eventually. Ethan cocks an eyebrow. 

"Was married," Ethan corrects. "Didn't stick." 

Ben nods and folds the t-shirt slowly. "Just - just didn't realize you'd been married to a man, is all." 

Ethan's hands - which up until now have been busy smoothing wrinkles and tucking buttons - still. He hasn't been hiding the fact that he'd been married to a man - an abusive son-of-a-bitch that he hadn't wasted more than three years on - but Ben was in the army and Ethan knows the overall attitude towards guys like him. 

"That isn't a problem," he says carefully, "is it?"

Ben shakes his head firmly, clenching the t-shirt tightly. "Surprised me, that's all."

And that's the end of it. 

~~~

At least, that was the end of it until the next Sunday. 

Ben seems nearly obsessed with asking about his previous marriage, questioning how and why and where. 

Ethan tells him about the short ceremony in Canada. He talks about proposals and un-shined shoes and even smiles fondly recalling how nice they'd looked together. He talks about the kiss at the end, all hard teeth and grasping hands. The officiant had laughed and shooed them out of her office. They hadn't bought rings until later because the ceremony itself was very much a spur of the moment thing. Ethan tells Ben about his family's disapproval, all the warning signs he'd ignored, the slow descent into a hell of hiding bruises and making excuses. He tells Ben about how it ended, bitterly and as quickly as it had begun. He finds it easier and easier to talk as time goes on. They've been doing laundry together every Sunday for nearly five months, and he almost considers Ben a close friend. 

~~~

It's been seven months of Sundays and Ben is not okay. His breathing is ragged, his hands are shaking, and he looks like he hasn't slept. 

With a jolt, Ethan remembers the Fourth of July barbecue the day before, hours of time spent with his distant family and the fireworks at the end. He remembers the whispers of PTSD from months ago and kicks himself for not realizing. 

"Ben - " he begins. His throat dries up, though, and he looks down at the white t-shirts in front of him as he tries to find the right words. When he looks up again, Ben is shoving clothes into one of the washers and looks downright lost. 

"I lost everyone," Ben nearly gasps. He abandons the clothes in favor of gripping the rim of the machine with both hands. There's a squeal of metal as the machine wobbles dangerously and Ben releases it quickly and stumbles backwards. Ethan abandons his laundry and moves forward to push Ben gently into one of the rickety chairs set up in the corner. 

"Take it easy," he murmurs, crouching in front of the dark-haired man. 

"Take it - " Ben coughs out a broken laugh. "Take it easy? They all died!"

"But you didn't." 

"I should have," Ben says, fire in his eyes. 

Ethan reaches out a hand and curls it around one of Ben's slumped shoulders. "I'm glad you didn't." 

Ben's eyes are definitely lost when he finally meets Ethan's gaze. "That's not what I expected to hear." 

Ethan smiles sadly, "I know." 

~~~

"I've killed people," Ben admits abruptly a few weeks later. 

"I figured." 

"And?" Ben asks challengingly. 

"And what?" 

"And it was wrong, and I shouldn't have survived, and - "

"Everyone's done something they shouldn't have," Ethan reminds gently. "Everyone's got skeletons, everyone's got a past." 

Ben shakes his head, "Not like what I've done." 

"I dunno," Ethan busies himself with the dryer. "I did some things in my teenage years that still give me nightmares even fifteen years later." 

Ben smiles uneasily and cracks a joke about old age. It falls flat. 

"Ben, I had someone to help me up after I'd fallen so far that I couldn't see the sky for all the walls around me," Ethan says carefully, facing the other man full on. "They knew I was better than the worst thing I ever did, and that was all they needed to love me." 

He looks at Ben pointedly. "I know you're better than the worst thing you ever did." 

"Oh," Ben says quietly. Ethan worries for a moment that he's made it worse, that he's overstepped, said too much, but Ben's hands no longer tremble, and he goes about his usual laundry routine with a tiny smile on his face. 

~~~

Next Sunday, Ben asks him out to dinner and the Sunday after that he shows up at Ethan's doorstep clean-shaven with a bouquet of flowers in one hand.