Message In The Sky

So I guess here it goes...

As you know, I've been wanting to have an adult conversation for quite some time. I've always heard it's good to write a letter to somebody you'd like to express some things to, but not actually give it to them. Hold on to it as if it will be given until you feel you've gotten the angst out of your soul. I've actually done that before. I contemplated leaving it on your car. After realizing it was time to let go, I burnt the letter. After being around you somewhat often in comparison to the few years of the cutaway, I began wanting to let some things out again. I've felt you may need this letter even more than I do.

When you vanished I didn't understand initially what was happening. I honestly don't know exactly what I felt then, but I do know my heart was torn uncontrollably. They say if you're lucky you get to have that crazy passionate love once in your lifetime. Though my traumatic injury later on deleted a lot of scenes around that time frame in my life,  You are definitely something that will never disappear. Nobody will ever knock you away from the beautiful part of me. I don't at all hold remorse. Life has handed me way worse.

You know how there's the cliche "Everything happens for a reason..." saying in life? It does. I can't lie and say I've never wondered "what if". But there is no option. Instead I focus on the positive aspects of it all. I am happy for you and the wife you have and the daughter you have been given. Funny, when I first heard the name of her I immediately questioned if it had anything to do with us. Then you told me it did. Know this: I am so glad you took the route you did. I honestly don't feel you may have been able to handle the glass that was thrown at me. And most importantly, I KNOW you did not deserve having to deal with it. My brain cancer took over. It caused me to be somebody else. I would not have been capable of treating you how My soul wanted to. I couldn't even treat myself.  I did not know my own name, who I was, where I was from. My own immediate family couldn't handle this.

Somehow. Someway. I have survived this traumatic life event. I am in remission longer than most. The entire time I've held on to one thing through even reinventing myself: skydiving. I have to thank you for that. Had you not have stumbled upon me the way you did and sucked me into the sky I certainly would not be here today chasing the dreams nobody thought were even possible for me post-craniotomy and brain damage. If it weren't for you I may not have had something to hold on to that kept me awake. Because of you, I fell inlove. With you. With the sport. THANK YOU. I owe you a great deal f credit for my future accomplishments. Know you will always be in my thoughts. I will never act upon anything like we once did, but just know you will always be a place in this heart of even the new girl inside of me.

Like I've told you before, please continue to keep your positive energy as contagious as possible. I look forward to crossing paths continuously and connecting for a second in free fall.

Blue Skies.