Party Like It’s 2014

Here I am again. It's like my brain is an empty alleyway, littered with garbage bins and broken glass bottles. This is supposed to be something I'm good at. I Write. That's my thing, isn't it? It's certainly the only one of my talents that I have a vague chance of making a living with. Singing, mediocre piano skills, poor ukulele playing, and baking (provided that the result doesn't have to be visually appealing) are hardly moneymakers. And writing won't be if I can't get something onto this stupid screen. 

There is nothing more discouraging and intimidating than a blank canvas. Some call it freeing, and maybe they're right, but it doesn't matter that the cell door is open if you'll still be penniless outside the jail. That's all my brain is right now: penniless, an empty pocket. The same tricks of phrasing and word choice don't work more than once, maybe twice if you tweak it right in the rerun version, so I can't just do what I did before to be "good". I feel like one of those songs that was Good Stuff in 2014, on the Top 40 list, everyone knew it, everyone liked it, everyone sang along to it, and then it was suddenly old and tired and stupid, and now when it's played at parties, people groan internally because the DJ doesn't have a clue. 

Maybe if I went back to an old story, that would help. 

Oh dear. No no, that won't work. That one's horribly written. That one is badly disguised satire that I didn't even understand at the time. That one is filled with unnecessary, obnoxious angst. That one is...not bad, actually. This is pretty good. I like these characters, and the plot. And I've written hardly anything for it, so there's nothing to hate yet. Maybe I'll just start writing it.

But where do I start?

In the middle of a scene? A flashback? Foreshadowing? Should I drop in suddenly on some action or start at the Very Beginning? What is the beginning? Is this story too complex for me to write well? Will I waste all my time questioning my abilities instead of actually working? Oh boy, you guessed it!

So the page is still empty, I've spent the last hour trying to find the right ambient music to get me in a Writing Mood, I can't figure out where to start on the old story so I scrapped that idea entirely, and now I need a new, fresh idea when there is none to be had. Oh, and don't forget the tabs of social media and Google searches I have open, all for the sake of "inspiration". I will never have a moneymaker, a painted canvas, or fulfillment of any sort.

But I must continue to tell my friends and family how great it is to write.