The End

I looked through the water spotted glass. The rain winding its way down the smooth surface. What had I done? I reached to open the window, sliding it open the cool moist air hitting my face. My fingers leaving dark prints on the clean white surface as I looked out into the yard. The trees swaying in the wind as a tear ran down my cheek. Everyone has their breaking point.

I thought back to another time with him, the man I loved the one I thought I would spend the rest of my life with….. I pushed myself into the corner, pulling my knees to my chest; what had I done?

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The crickets were alive tonight, as the warm summer wind whistled through the trees. The bench cool through the fabric of my clothes. The moon cast a pale yellow glow across the night.

I pulled my legs over his as we held each other.

His eyes were cool against his pale skin, a deep green brown speckled with gold.

His hair soft between my fingers, a dark brown.

He leaned into me, as I breathed in his scent a pull in my throat as I longed for more of him.

Looking up at me, innocence in his eyes.

He always spoke of his experience and my innocence, oblivious to just how innocent he really was; or maybe it was me that made him so delicate, because of his trust in me.

I stroked his chin, a little scruffy from lack of attention, feeling the shallow divot of a scar just to the right hardly noticeable to the touch.

I ran my fingers along his cheeks, he pulled his lips into a smile as my fingers explored his features, running my thumb along his lower lip he reached forward with his teeth grazing my nail. Back and forth I let my thumb skim his lips. I traced his cheekbones, caressing his brows I held the weight of his head in my hand as he relaxed against my chest.

I let my hand slide down, tracing his neck to his strong shoulders. I shifted now facing him as I traced his body lightly with my hands. Along his collar bone, over his chest and ribs. Feeling his strong abdominal muscles, I moved to his back. I could feel his muscular physique, strong build. He shifted and his body rippled, muscle over bone. I wrapped my arms around his back hiding my head in the crook of his neck, he buried his face in my hair and took a deep breath. I held him tight, the moment too perfect to end as I felt his breath against my neck.

He pushed me up and I straightened my arms as he brushed my hair from my eyes. Running his fingers along my temple he tucked a few loose strands behind my right ear. He examined my face, his eyes lightly prodding until he came to my eyes. He made me soft, made me melt like butter left in the warm sun. It was hard to keep eye contact with him. The connection too fierce, I always wanted more while a small piece panicked at the intensity. The wind ruffled our hair, mine lifting in the breeze. He smiled. Oh how I loved his smile. His eyes open and clear, he stretched and kissed me on the forehead then nuzzled me with his nose. I reciprocated as we felt each other’s warmth and strength taking comfort in our bond. He reached for my lips with his, but I pulled back, mischief in my eyes. Now I reached in and kissed him grazing his lower lip with my teeth, pulling it taut, I heard a faint rumbling groan come from his lips as I released and pulled back teasing. He looked at me for half a second his eyes dark and longing, reaching to tease and then a moment later pulling me in, tired of the game. His lips came down forcefully pulling me closer his hands pulling intertwined in my hair with one snug, as the other stroked my spine. Putty in his hands. Grabbing the back of his neck firmly bringing him closer. As close as we could get. I gently reached with my tongue, stroking his lip and getting under the edge of his upper teeth and pulling him closer. He ran his hands along my thighs, giving my bum a quick squeeze; I squeaked. A rumbling chuckle came from his chest. As his tongue darted out against mine.

I slowly pulled away as he leaned further into me, not wanting to let me go. My bare feet hit the grass as I pulled him to his feet. I grasped his hand tightly looking into his eyes, full of fire and longing. I turned around and lead him from the garden bench, through the backdoor and up the stairs to our bedroom. I released his hand and slid off my light summer dress and took a seat on the edge of the bed, legs crossed. He pulled his shirt over his head and slid off his shorts.

He was on top of me. Holding me close, skin on skin. He undid the hooks of my bra and I slid it off. I pulled at his underwear, slipping them off as he did mine. He kissed my neck lightly tracing down my breasts, varying pressure; light as a feather then more forceful as I moaned and leaned into him further. Hooking his arms around my thighs he ventured further as he kissed my inner thighs and deeper, as I flinched. He slowly circled with his tongue, then faster as my back arched and I pushed into him. He grabbed with his teeth and I flinched, he gave me a sly smile. He moved up and I pulled his lips to mine, desperate longing. I pulled him in. We were one piece as we moved together, the feeling overwhelming as I dug my fingers into his back. Our body’s slick with sweat, we moaned. Oh I wanted him longer, harder, uuuhhh…. Our breathing laboured, I curled my toes into the sheets as I pulled at his hair, his hands entwined in mine. His warm breath in my ear as I pulled at his ear lobe, grazing with my teeth. He went slow and hard. Faster uuhhhh. My back arched, more forceful and we came together, my eyes rolled back as I held him close and he slowed his movement as he pulled out. And we grasped each other’s slick backs, fingers slipping as we dug deeper.

He was mine. I could breathe him in all day, all night. I didn’t know how I had gotten so lucky. I pulled back and leaned into his chest, catching my breath as I listened to his heart pound. I loved him will all my heart and soul. With him it was so easy. Never a struggle.

I was lightheaded and woozy from him. My addiction, my drug, my love.

We were blissfully happy in this moment and no one could steal it from us. He leaned his face against mine the scruff scratchy, but the comfort I felt like no other.

I looked him dead in the eye and whispered “I love you”, his eyes focused and clear he whispered back “And I love you” and he kissed me and I was lost to the world once again. Lost in him.

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He had come at me fierce and powerful. Crazed he didn’t recognize me anymore. He wasn’t mine. The man I knew. Not anymore. The hideous sickness had taken him over. My stomach turned thinking of what had just happened. I had no other choice. If I hadn’t done it, I would be the one lying still on the cold tile in the other room. What now? Without him …. Knowing I was the one who had ended his life how could I move on. My shirt stiff with his blood, still a little sticky. I kept replaying the scene, I couldn’t make him listen he wasn’t him in that moment. I had reached for the butcher knife as a last defense. His soft touch gone replaced with a brutality that wasn’t him. He had come at me pushing me to the floor he stood over me panting rage burning in his eyes. I pulled myself up and grabbed the closest thing to defend myself. I held the knife blade out, and in a moment he flung himself at the blade. It pierced his chest as he let out a cry and we fell to the ground, the blood pouring from his chest I couldn’t stop it as he lay still, the life leaving his eyes. The rage drained and I saw a hint of him in his eyes that man I knew and loved and as tears poured down my face his face went slack, his lifeless eyes fixed.

I pulled myself up from the ball I had curled myself into and walked into the kitchen. Leaning against the door way I took in the scene I had left behind. His lifeless body in a pool of his own blood, the knife handle protruding from his chest. My vision blurred and the darkness overwhelmed me as the world spun and my head hit the floor.