Until Next Time
I have felt this way for some time, this urge if you will to put pen to paper
and explain why I must do what I must. It began as early as I can remember,
this urge to...do things. It started at six years old, I think or it is one of my earliest memories about what I do.
I saw the bird's nest in the pine tree outside our kitchen window. I heard the young birds and I just wanted to see them. I remember grabbing a broom, I could barely hold it up right. But when my mother was sleeping, I went out and started to try to hit the nest.
It took a few times, but I was able to get it down. The nestlings hit the ground,
and I picked one up...and I stared at it. I stared at it, wondered what made it chirp like that. The impulse to quiet it came over me, so I did. I quieted it, and the others with it. I put it in a shopping bag and kept it close to my bed to look at them. But my mother found them, yelling at me that it was wrong to hurt things. But I didn't hurt them, I just quieted them.
When I was twelve, I was tired of catching strays out on the street. I had this way of being able to have cats and dogs come to me. It was simple you see, I was able to hold out my hand with some food and then... I quelled my urge. Animals could sense my urge before it even came to me. I had to find a way to silence it. When I learned this, it made things easier. Easier to see the life leave their eyes.
At eighteen, I was in the park one evening, the one by the school. I saw the little girl, Annie Hubbard...what was she, 11-12? She was out picking up acorns, at least that's what I found in her bag. I had practiced walking, very quietly in the parks and forests. If you can't be quiet about it, what good are you? I came up behind her fairly easy.
It was what to do with her after I got her. Like the others before her, the urge just came upon me, and I quieted her, too. This time, I don't know what it was something made me what to see her insides. When finished, I took her back to the tree where I found her.
That was forty years ago, I should have been writing this down much sooner, so I had a record of what this urge does to me. I should have started much earlier, but this urge to document this just came over me. I have to go now as I have been watching this brunette, should length hair, incredible lips...
You see, I didn't set out to be a serial killer, it just evolved that way...until next time.