Performance review 2017

Notes for consideration prior to your performance review 2017

Dear dignity

   You and I need to have a little talk about your job description,  for example it was really good of you to point out that the dress I had chosen to wear had a tear in a unfortunate place,  not terribly dignified for a lady of my standing. But why did you not mention it before I left the house? Checking the appropriateness of outfits must be done before departure.

    Thank you for pointing out that I am unable to walk elegantly in heels after four rum punches, but I consider it negligent that you failed  to mention this before I drank that forth one, It is your job to make sure I can both enter and exit social situations the right way up. 

     When I'm half way up the mast trying to unjam a dodgy shackle, don't start commenting on the state of my shorts, I have better things to do up there than worry about dignity, you can go put your head in a bucket. Oh and while we are talking about buckets, should I suffer from a touch of "mal de mar" just go away there is no dignified way to be seasick.

     When I am out in public I require you to be my constant companion, on duty at all times, just because I have had a glass of wine does not excuse you. I do not wish to find out that, after a drink or two, Self Respect, Morals, Duty and your good self have all slurped off behind the bike shed.You have a job to do, I do not tolerate excuses. 

   Your attendance however is not required at mammograms, cervical smears and sundry gynaecological  appointments, there is nothing you can contribute and your attendance is distracting.

   At the end of the day, should I choose to take my man and close the bedroom door, please go and smell the petunias, for that is one part of my life in which I require no assistance from you.