My Farewell

Your voice has left an imprint on my soul

Hearing it for the first time as a wide-eyed teen

That imprint survived the distance and darkness of adulthood

And remains deep and profound almost 30 years later

A voice that could glide from pure testosterone to angelic in the same breath

The artistry and dynamism leaving goosebumps. And tears. And smiles.

Words masterfully joined and divinely shared

I crave them. They fill a voracious void. And though I share them with millions

I treasure them as my own

The first time I saw you live was with Soundgarden in a smoky Portland dive bar

I was far outside the expected demographic, but I’d never seen anything like it  

And wanted more

I was lucky to see many shows in between that and the last one

Each one unique and satisfying

The last one, an all-acoustic show at the Walt Disney Concert Hall where the LA Philharmonic performs

Was everything

Inspiring and heart-stirring, real and playful, you filled the room.

I couldn’t wrap my mind around your passing

The world seemed overcast and silent. Still does

The day you were laid to rest

An unebbing desire nagged me all day

So late in the day I headed to Hollywood Forever to take a moment

As the sun started its descent and warmed my anxious back

I slowly walked to where fans were paying their respects

Young and old, tattooed and pristine, diverse and affected

All joined by a common loss

A woman hunched on a bench watching the natant swans, tears flowing freely

A stoic capped man standing motionless staring at your stone

A young guy sitting on the grass playing guitar

Encouraging everyone to softly sing your songs as a group

A Father explaining to his young daughter why we were all there

The messages left by fans before me engulfed you and mirrored many of my own feelings

Showing how much you are loved

Many crept down to lay their hands on you

Everyone lost in their personal grief for this legend none (most?) of us had never met

I laid down my flowers and silently did what my heart needed to do.

Thank you for the gift you were

From that youthful long-haired rocker to a mature, devoted husband and father

You touched and surprised us throughout the years

I didn’t know you personally

But powerful yet soft, good-humored and original is the you that I’ve known for decades

As you whispered to me many times

“When Heaven or Hell takes this life, I’ll be done”

But never forgotten. Peace.