The One I Love

It should be easy - to say that I'm in control of my own life. But as much as I wished I could say that, I know that I could never. The one in control of my life is someone much greater than me. Someone I value too much to say the name of. 

Of course, my best friend never intended to be in control of my messy life. I mean, to this day, I don't think he knows that he is. But the day we met, as he quietly stood behind his friends, I couldn't help but not notice him. It started out perfectly... until I realized that I was falling harder than he was. 

It was the smallest things that caused him to take over my life.

First, he simply asked me to stay up a couple minutes longer so that we could text. Without a thought about what I had to do the next day, I agreed. So, as my grades started to fall, I leaned on him. He seemed like the only boy who was willing to listen to me rant anyways. 

Then, he convinced me to sneak out of my house at night. The two of us did nothing that we would later regret, and when he dropped me back home, I wished that I was always with him. It was as if he had ignited an emotion in my body that without him, never mattered before. Like a drug, I needed him. Any second not by his side was a second laced with a scent of death. 

But then, then, he kissed me. He finally kissed me, and suddenly, everything that I once deemed important found its place in the bottom of my priority list. Was it wishful thinking or stupidity to assume that he felt the same way about me? That night, he was too wasted to remember what had happened. 

As my friend brought it, he just laughed. My cheeks began burning, not because our friend had mentioned a scene that I had imagined happening since the day I met him, but because he laughed. He laughed. 

It wasn't a soft chuckle, where he was embarrassed. No, it was a full on, loud guffaw. 

"There's no way I actually kissed Cecilia." He spoke, wrapping his arms around me while swinging back and forth. Pretending to act the same way as he did, I giggled myself. I tried brushing it off, but as soon as he placed his lips on my head, I realized that I was in deep shit. 

But I think the scariest part was the fact that I never saw it coming. No. No. That was nothing. 

The scariest part is how my best friend is still in control of my life, and despite everything, I wouldn't want anyone else to be in control of it.