Maybe you never meant to, but did you really mean not to.

The world seems to have a way to always bring up the past, it is like no matter what you do you can never escape it. As I sit here alone and the flood of guilt coats me like wet paint, I look in the mirror unable to recognize myself. In my head thoughts scream at me like a raging war, mistakes cover every corner of my mind and suddenly I am numb. It is me and my thoughts once again, I lay down pretending to be some where warm. I am in a place where I don't know a single soul, and no one can even comprehend me. As I walk through my life I wonder would it would be like to be someone other than me. Could I be happy? Would I be living my dreams? or would I still be shrouded with disgusting memories living in a place of self hate. I don't know but what if I could... What if I could morph into someone else just for a moment, Would you do it? If you could change everything would you sacrifice the life you live, or would you stay stagnant out of fear? Life is never easy, they never tell you how hard it truly is. No one has the answer, and I think that is the most terrifying reality of it all. I find myself so stuck sometimes I can not even see the way out, when you have made mistakes and hurt the people you love; where do you turn? If anyone were to have the answer I would sacrifice it all just to hear it. I am a walking time bomb, full of hurt and rage and yet no right to feel that way. That is the shitty thing about life, when someone tells you that you have hurt them.. you have no right to say that you didn't. And yes maybe you never meant to, but did you really mean not to?