Am I home?

Three blinks left.

I don't feel like I need to breathe anymore. It's funny, my whole life I felt like if I didn't get my next breath, I'd go insane. It was never a matter of being afraid that I'd die, but that panic overcame me. I now realize that I used to have nightmares of drowning, or suffocating, and the lack of breathing was the main thing that scared me. What a silly thing to be scared of. I think that I used to have dreams where I was able to live without breathing, or something, and strangely I was free. More free in those fleeting dreams than in any moment of my... what was the word?

Two blinks left. 

I try to laugh. I cant. I don't need to breathe to laugh. Do I? 

Why would I laugh? I'm d... pain. I feel pain. I think that's pain. No, what's the word, mirth? No, this is a giggle. But I don't breathe, I don't need to, so why laugh? Is laugh the right word? Nothing seems funny to me. I remember that I used to be happy and want to laugh at things. But never out loud, why never out loud? 

I never enjoyed life properly. I spent all of it fearing pain and repressing my real happiness. Live, laugh, lo- what's the last word?

I'm going to do it. I don't need breath to do it. I'll just force it. OK, laughter! 

Copper?

One blink left.

Blinking, I remember having staring contests with my friends. I never realized how much blinking I did. I'm suddenly very aware of my eyes. But I'm not really seeing anything. If I'm not seeing, why blink? I took it for granted, I took so much for granted. My family, my friends... love. That was the word, live, laugh and love. Oh my, I remember love. I love love! I never let myself love anyone... or let anyone love me. Why not? Why didn't I love? I had love and I ignored it. I feel like I'm losing my breath. I can't breathe! Wait... I'm dying, I'm dying here on this dark road. For my wallet, my stupid wallet, that guy took my... That's why I can't breathe. Copper. I taste copper. What's going on? I'm not breathing, I'm not doing anything. I'm dying. I never lived. I never loved. Please, can't I just go back? Please... my eye lids are getting heav... why blink? It's so co-cold. Let...me... love... someone... oh... it's you. I remember you... am I home?