Letting feelings out

We had been friends since elementary school.  And like the fool I would become, love struck me at an early age, or what I thought was love...

But as the rock music of the 70's gave way to the punk music of the 80's,

I came into my own in high school, we were still friends.

We were friends that just talked on the phone.  We saw each other in school, but we only waved.  We had to watch our reputations as she was in with the "in" crowd and I was a poor kid who made it into the college prep classes.

When she got pregnant at 16, I was at the hospital and saw her face, that she didn't want me there because other friends were there.  So I took the clue, I stopped calling her, but then when she saw me two months later she asked why had I stopped calling.

It was the hope of the hopeless that made me call her again, pick up our phone calls that would last for hours.  What I remember most about her, in those days was that when she walked into a room, she had this glow about her.  That's what I remember about her. I think for her, she got used to me calling because at this stage it was five years.

At graduation, we hugged but then she went to the parties of the night and I went to my friend's house where we played D&D because we were free.  I wanted to be with friends where I was king of the nerds and hold my own court.

We kept in touch, not calling daily like I used to, but every few weeks if not once a month.  She was there when I did my tour of the state colleges and when I finally graduated.  

I was there when she found love at 21 and when he proposed.  I was there when she sent an invitation that I sent back with zero attending at age 23.  It was the same year my dad gave me another lesson, "Don't go there thinking you can change her mind, she's made her choice..."

I didn't hear from her again till I was 31, when it just so happened that I worked at the same place she did.  I didn't know it till the second month on the job when she returned from maternity leave.  I was answering phones when she turned the corner and I swear to God, her glow never faded.  We talked every now and then, catching up between two old acquaintances because, really, that's what we were.  

But, two months after coming back she left without a word, the job was too much for her.  She came in over a weekend and cleared out her desk, not leaving a note or message that she was going.  She was just gone.  That was the last time I saw her...that was the last time I let those feelings out...