Colors

Hello, I'm Aliyha Gill. I am 17 and have been writing since I could hold a crayon! I specialize in poetry, though I really enjoy exploring all kinds of writing. I hope you enjoy a sample of my short story!

Caroline sat between her two best friends, Michelle and Kristen, in the back of Kristen’s forest green Jeep. Her legs nearly straddled the console since she was stuck with the middle seat. The thought of how the colossal Jeep could have such little leg room made her smile to herself. Her friends didn’t notice.

“Pass me the blunt, Kris.” Michelle spoke past Caroline, who just looked straight ahead through the windshield, mesmerized by the single street light in her view. Her two friends continued taking hits, occasionally discussing memories of past nights when they smoked together. Of course, Caroline was hardly ever there. She couldn’t afford to lose any sleep on a school night just to make memories in the back of a car, smoking weed just to make her friends happy.

“Hey” Kristen nudged Caroline, noticing she was lost in her own thoughts.

“It’s getting cold, can’t we go inside soon?” Caroline inquired, but she already knew the answer. Why would they possibly go inside when their plans for the night were to get messed up? Kristen found a blanket on her floor among the array of sweatshirts, CD cases, and plastic water bottles. She caringly draped it over Caroline, then took another hit.

“Where’s my other blunt?!” Michelle immediately ripped the blanket off of Caroline, searching for the blunt she had placed on her friend’s knee earlier. Caroline took it off her knee and handed it to Michelle with a long sigh.

“Can you not do that?!” Michelle asked.

“What did I do?”

“You’re fucking sighing at me just for talking to you. It’s making me feel like you don’t want to be with me.” she exclaimed while simultaneously lighting up. Well, not when you’re smoking. Caroline thought, but didn’t dare say it. Instead, she just exchanged looks of confusion with Kristen, who knew that she was always sighing.

“Um, Michelle, what are you doing over there?”

Caroline followed Kristen’s eyes to Michelle, who had just rummaged through the console. She held a cigarette between her fingers. Every attempt to strike the lighter lit up her face in a red, ominous light.

“No way,” Caroline had recently discovered that Michelle and Kristen smoked cigs when they got high, and she had made it clear that she was against it. Now, her best friend was preparing to smoke before her very eyes.

“I will not sit here and watch this!” Caroline yelled.

“I wasn’t asking you to.” Caroline hopped over Kristen and pushed her way out of the car.

“Don’t wake my mom up!” shouted Kristen, who assumed her friend was going to bed early. Instead, Caroline passed the stone path leading to Kristen’s front door and continued walking on the sidewalk down the block. Kristen jumped out of the car to follow her.

“Caroline, Caroline! C’mon, don’t make me run after you!” Once she caught up, Caroline didn’t stop.

“What, are you really walking home?!”

“Yep,”

“But, but it's 3am! Just sleep over!”

“I fucking sigh all the time, it’s called anxiety and asthma.”

“Yeah, I know, I don’t know why she got so offended by that, well, she’s high, you gotta give her a break!”

“I was going to walk home anyway, I need to wake up early.”

“I’ll drive you home!”

“You’re high, Kristen.”

“Give me a few hours, I’ll drive you later,”

“I need to get home now and get some rest, I’ll be fine”

“I’m scared just to walk back to my car, and it’s only half a block! Please just stay!”

“You’ll be fine, goodnight!”

Caroline continued to power walk until Kristen got tired and turned back. A little part of Caroline had hoped that her friend would walk her all the way home. But she didn’t. As she walked, Caroline scanned the blocks before her. No sign of any person outside. No cars driving by. When she spotted headlights at the end of a block, she contemplated hiding in the nearest bushes. She distracted herself by imagining what her friends were talking about at this very moment. Michelle was probably talking about how stubborn, sensitive, and self-centered Caroline was.

“She just had to make tonight all about herself, didn’t she? I wouldn’t even feel bad if anything happened to her while she walks home. She tried to kill my high. It’s just better if she doesn’t hang out with us at night.” Caroline imagined Michelle saying this while Kristen nodded along.

Why did I wear my flip-flops?! It’s as if I’m announcing my arrival to my killer-rapist! She thought, tip-toeing in a sad attempt to muffle the slaps of her shoes. Just walk among the shadows, disguise yourself. Soon enough, Caroline was turning onto her own block. Don’t be relieved yet, Caroline. It’d be just my luck to walk a mile home at 3am and get kidnapped on my own block! Caroline sprinted the rest of the way, not stopping until her door was locked and she was safely in her house. Then, she slipped off her flip-flops, fell back onto her bed, and cried.

Caroline’s eyes fluttered open in her dimly-lit room, the moon flooding through her skylights. The mania of raindrops had woken her up. 6am. To think, only 3 hours ago she was walking home. It seemed like a nor'easter had followed her home. Caroline flipped onto her stomach and reached for her phone at the end of her bed. She hoped her notifications would be flooded with worried texts and missed calls from her two best friends. Only two texts.

Kristen: text me when you get home! Sent 3:09am

Michelle: wow, you can sigh all fucking night and I can't smoke one cig Sent 3:11am

She dropped her phone by her feet and pulled the blanket over her head, lying still as her mind raced. She tried to empathize with Michelle, but she couldn't find any connections besides the both of them being stubborn. She squeezed her eyes shut until she slipped into sleep once again.

Back in school, Caroline felt completely alone. She hadn't contacted her friends since Saturday night. They texted in the group chat as usual, not sensing Caroline’s absence, nor her hurt feelings. They tried making plans to go swimming on Sunday night, but Caroline ignored them. They're probably just gonna change their mind last second, make a detour to 7-11 for some tall boys, and smoke in Kristen’s car again. She thought to herself, justifying her reasons for neglecting to answer her best friends. In fact, I wouldn't be surprised if Kristen was still in bed, miserably hungover. She entered her biology class, expecting to find Kristen’s seat empty. But to her surprise, Kristen sat there with her gold locks hanging just above her shoulders. She sat there sipping green tea from her Coffeenated tumbler, eyes widening as she saw Caroline. Mouth full of tea, her lips scrunched up into the best smile she could possibly give without spitting any of it out. “You should've come to the gym last night! We got to swim and ended the night in the jacuzzi!”

“I’ll hang out with you guys when Michelle stops sm…” she noticed her peers had taken attention to her. “...doing bad things.”

“Oh my God, Caroline, you're still hung up on that?”

“I just don't wanna see her wipe out. If she can't appreciate my love enough to stop acting like a dumbass, then I don't think I can bear to be around her anymore.”

“You're kidding! Don't you remember our mall visits last summer?”

Caroline looked down at her boots, remembering all the clothes she had stolen. She wondered if what she was wearing today was obtained from last summer; it had truly gotten out of hand.

“What does this have to do with Michelle?”

“Illegal behavior, Caroline. Illegal behavior that one of us doesn't agree with. The only difference is that Michelle never stopped us. She knew her input wouldn't stop us. All she did was tell us it made her uncomfortable. But did we stop?”

Caroline started to defend herself, but couldn't find the words. In her heart, drugs was still worse than stealing. But, that's not what this was about. It was about listening to your friends and realizing that you can't live their life for them. Michelle didn't write her friends off when they stole. She just advised them to stop.

“You see? Now, stop this petty fight with Michelle and come out tonight!”

11:30pm, Caroline’s phone was blowing up. “Shit!” She scrolled through the texts: all inquiries of if Caroline was coming out with them. They eventually gave up, knowing she had undoubtedly fallen asleep. Caroline, still disoriented from her four hour nap, realized she had fallen asleep on her couch in her outfit from the earlier school day. Her makeup was still on, the mascara flaked underneath her eyes. She started texting the group chat, too late to pick me up?? but quickly deleted it, knowing they were past any dainty plans and onto their plans for the backseat.

Caroline always overslept. She woke up late for school everyday, nearly 10 minutes before the first bell. She trudged through school, putting her head down every chance she got, then would come home as soon as she finished the bare minimum and would sleep some more. If she got home later than 7, she'd often skip dinner since it would’ve cost her another hour of sleep. No matter how many hours Caroline got, she was always exhausted. Her body never felt fully rested, causing her to sleep endlessly until she had to pee or the pangs of her hunger woke her up. She didn't even watch TV anymore, it took too much time and energy and always left her asleep on the couch.

“Still mad at Michelle?” Kristen asked Caroline the following morning as she tossed her coat in her locker.

“Not mad, I’m just done with her.”

“She's always been there for you, she's been there for four years. You can't keep creating rules that we have to follow in order to be your friend!”

“I'm hurting too, okay? And I don't need her self-destruction tearing me down,”

“Whoa, hold up, you think your depression isn't tearing this friendship down?”

This peaked Caroline’s interest. She stopped playing with the hair-tie on her wrist and looked up at her friend for an explanation.

“You choose your sleep over going out with us all the time, blow us off because you accidentally laid down and slipped into a coma.”

“That's different,”

“That's not different. Think about why you sleep. Think about how it's your number one priority. Then, think about Michelle.” Kristen walked away, leaving Caroline to wrap her head around what just happened.

Caroline snuggled up in her bed at 3pm, planning on taking a “nap” but knowing she probably would just sleep through the night. She didn't bother to bring her phone to bed with her since she was upset with the only two people she ever texted. What did Kristen mean about my sleep? She considered the reasons for Michelle’s drug reliance. Maybe it was an escape from her rigidly-structured reality. Maybe it was the one irresponsible thing she let herself do; the one “childish” thing she did. After all, Michelle did grow up awfully fast. Or, maybe this was something she did to feel more mature? The drug-deal and violation of both laws and morals must've given her some sort of power rush. But, the cigarettes. They were solely for self-destructive. Was Michelle depressed? No, she couldn't be. She's the free-spirit of our friend group. She pushes herself further and further to reach goals she created on her own. Caroline always joked that her irregular height was her soul trying to be as close to the stars as possible to make it easier for her to reach her goals. Well, why do I sleep all the time? Sleep brings me to a whole new world, too. It removes me from reality, only, in a less destructive way. And, I can't remember it more than half the time, yet, when I sleep, I'm able to forget about reality as well. It's almost like a way to numb my feelings…. like Michelle’s drugs must be doing for her…

Kristen’s seat was emptied the next day and Caroline’s series of Snapchats at the beach indicated where her friends had ventured off to. She sighed, wondering if they'd ever invite her out again. She knew that Kristen and Michelle weren't the type to hold grudges. They'd probably invite her out as soon as she asked, but is that what she wanted? What was Caroline waiting for? An apology. she thought. She wanted Michelle to call her up in tears, begging for her forgiveness, reminding her that she loved her so. It'd be a miracle if these five days of the silent treatment convinced her to quit smoking, but Caroline knew that would never happen. None of this would ever happen. Though her friends didn't expect an apology, they wouldn't dream of giving one either. So, Caroline picked up the phone and made some beach plans for the weekend.