Fraud

It feels like you’re falling.

It feels like you’re walking down some stairs, and your foot misses a step. It’s that moment when your heart skips a beat and your stomach leaps into your throat. You panic. You’re scared that you’re not going to be okay.

And then you find your footing and you catch your breath, and you know you’re alright. Except in this case you don’t find your footing. You’re stuck like that. And you’re not okay. But everyone else thinks you are.

You can even trick yourself into thinking you are. You can forget about it for a while. You distract yourself with games, movies, TV, and friends. And then all of a sudden it creeps up on you when you least expect it. Like everything was fine, walking down those stairs, and suddenly you miss a step. But instead of finding your footing, you go crashing down to the bottom. And you’re left there broken on the floor and alone.

You’re reminded that you weren’t okay to begin with, you were just pretending. You forgot, and now you have this horrible reminder that that you’re a fraud.

The bruises are on the inside, and it feels like you’re still falling.