On Top Of The World

  “I’m gay.” Those were the two words that I had spent years thinking about and hiding away from the rest of the world. Those were the two words I had struggled so hard to say out loud. And those were the two words that had lead me to where I am now. I knew how liberating saying those words could be and I knew how much of a difference it could make.

When I finally plucked up the courage to tell my family and my friends, all I got in return was rejection and disgust. I will never forget the sting of my mother’s palm, the emptiness of losing my best friends, the pang of pain from when my father kicked me out of the house. How could two words simultaneously do so much damage? Why couldn’t I be accepted for who I am?

Even I disgust myself. I’m a shame to my family for being gay. What’s more, I destroyed my whole life in a millisecond by admitting it. How did I screw up everything so badly? Why couldn’t I just be normal?

I’m at the top of the world. Literally. Staring down the rooftop edge, contemplating whether or not I should jump. What’s the point of living if I can’t be accepted, if even I can’t accept who I am? Questions are running through my head, everything else except the ground storeys beneath me is just background. My heart is pounding; tears are streaming down my face.

Goodbye world. I slowly lift a foot, when I feel arms wrap hurriedly around my legs. “Don’t! Please don’t, I need you.” I look down and see the owner of the voice – the girl in my Biology class I’ve had a crush on. With her help, I shakily walk away from the edge. I hear “I’m bi. I know what you’re going through and I’m here for you.”