Self
Imposter
Fraud
Misrepresenter of self
Impersonator of who I hope to be rather than who I really am.
The honest imperfections of others are the downfall of my dishonest perfections.
Slanderer
Cheater
The facade of hard work and accomplishment a mask of my true efforts
Seeker of recognition to achieve happiness, yet true pursuit of it is lost to me
Or rather, the truth of it lost and the self-centered pursuit my sole recreation
Vicious
Selfish
Unfeeling fool
I fancied myself a bearer of wisdom, of truth, yet I had no humility
No true desire of instruction, the roots of my black heart tangled in dishonesty
Prideful despiser of true understanding, slaughtered by my greedy hands in my haste for satisfaction
Liar
Sneak
Treacherous gossip
My lips that vowed to speak no evil have poisonous slanders ever dripping from them
The untruths that have no foundation have become my habitual exercise of self.
Egotist
Charlatan
Pilferer of Innocence
The faultlessness of self that I have fabricated in my corruption and that I have imposed on them
It has no root. No basis. I am but a humble creature of little worth with high expectations and little to offer.
Realization that I am little.
That my true self is so repugnant and my true convictions so terribly destitute
This is the rawness of self
The objectionable veracity prevailing despite the comfortable fallacies
Realizations that bring this unworthy soul to its humble knees
Knowing that righteousness can never be found in me
Renewal earned by the death of self
So to myself and all my corruptions each day I choose the painful death
And my gaze humbled by my own repugnance falls upon my only salvation
And I fear, and I pray, that my gaze never falters
For with each waver, Self flickers
Great is the one who saved me from myself
Evil is my inclination, but goodness prevails, for all goodness is His
This sorry fool is made better by unearned grace
I fall to my knees each day
I lower my unworthy head and I pray
And his charity surrounds me in all of its perfection
My debt. My hate. My ungratefulness. My shame.
His death. His resurrection. His love. His grace.