Closed off

You may believe that you are closed off

A wheel that cannot be broken

Nor rebound the call of the waves in its hallow conches

But until you wallow in your own darkest desires

Yet still spend each day standing like a mountain

You do not know closed off

Until you weep your nights in pain, for the one who has forgotten your name,

But still to then you act okay

And smile and pretend everything is the same

You do not know closed off

Until you have to fight each day and night to be yourself

No one else

And beat away those who pry

You do not know closed off

Until you watch each and everyone you love slowly dir, on the inside and the out,

You do not know closed off

Until you want to raise your hands in the air and scream and shout and throw all you shit about !

You do not know closed off

Until you watch your own life slipping down the drain,

Stained with blood from all your pain,

You do not know closed off.

Until each time you look into his eyes, and see only lies,

You do not know closed off

Until each breath you take is filled with longing,

You do not know closed off

Until you look at the sky,

And see no stars,

Only the pattern of his face,

You do not know closed off

Until you can stand in a crowded hall

And think only of when you'll catch a gilmps of him

You do not know closed off

Until each beat of your heart hurts from the weight of simply being alive,

You do not know closed off

Until the pages of your book have turned blank before your eyes,

And every word you write is a black blob,

You do not know closed off

Until you spend each day as the best friend of the boy you love,

But never getting closer

Because he's already checked you off his list

You do not know closed off

Until you sit beside the highway at 2 am. Full of despare and only wishing to be alone and loose yourself,

You do not know closed off

Until you spend each night lying awake until 2am and toss and turn until finally drifting off to the haunt of a broken smile,

You do not know closed off

Until each moment you wait for him

And until when your alone your mind thinks only of him

And until your sleepless nights are plaguing you days

And until you sitting on the kitchen floor music loud enough for your ears to bleed

And until your throwing things across the room, tears streaming down your face

Until you curl up in a ball, trying to cover the whole in the middle of you that they used to fill,

You do not know closed off

And you sure as hell don't know me