Black & Mild Wine
I talked to you last night. Dear lord was it a roller coaster ride of my life. Funny cause you know I am terrified of heights no pun intended there. But you made me feel like I was living. Yesterday night felt unreal and yet I know, as I sit here smoking the cancer stick inhaling it's bitter yet sweet black and mild; wine rich flavor for which you recommend to me. I have that deep depth dark feeling in the bit of my chest, that, things after this will maybe never be the same after I leave. That.... When I go there it might indeed this time be the last time I see you. Because of the forces that want me and you to change. The forces that want us to never be anything to one another. I will live my days while I'm there wondering always of what if. there is nothing that will change that. I spent the past six months falling for you all over again after the one mistake I made. But all I can say I guess, is that I am in love with the memories. That is all that is left with in you. Memories For which everything that is in my room you have touched or kissed. Memories of laughter hand holding, wrinkled noses, dream stories, movie dates, coffee dates, little gestures. I was hurting the other day our song came on the phone. I danced. I .... I imagined holding you when we danced to it feeling you breathe me in and I closed my eyes trying to remember the smell of you and your touch. I never felt such a rush of feelings flood in at once. I had to skip the song. Because I couldn't handle it. You tell me to make a goal for myself I do have a goal. One that may indeed be impossible. But one that I had from the start. One I can't let go of one that. I'll be waiting maybe until I die. How ever long it takes. I'll wait for the impossible to happen maybe as I brake. But I can say it is worth the braking by you. Because In the end you'll be happy. And In the end. I can teach people what love truly is. It's worth living for.-terraburnettt