The Gateway to Self Doubt

Among the things causing us the most pain, it's a sad, long list of adjectives brutalizing our confidence, esteem, and image of ourselves. If we were better, worth more, if we were better... We wouldn't be left in the darkness of a room someone forgot to pay the electricity on. 

Of all the things causing us pain, the adjectives we use to describe them are uncomfortably fitting. 

Lonely.

Lost.

Unloved.

Broken.

Hurt.

Beaten.

Forgotten. 

What could hurt more than losing your significance? 

People suggest the world would be a better place if more people took a moment to stop, smell the flowers, and watch the stars at night. Finding solace in the expanse of the unfathomable universe can be a grounding thing. And it can also make you realize your insignificance. 

If we're insignificant, we're easy to forget. And if we're easy to forget, what's the point of finding your purpose? What's the point of feeling loved? What's the point of trying to convince yourself you matter? 

A child sits on bus bench. Their face isn't contorted with emotion. Instead, it is more or less blank. They don't know how to put a word to the way they feel. But we do. 

The child sits there, tired from playing on the playground behind the bus bench. The slide was fun, the swings made her giggle. The fun fades, leaving tired in its wake. It's getting darker, colder. Night is coming, bringing shadows the child is afraid of. There's no one to tell the child it's okay. Night will fade to morning. 

She's hungry. She's tired. She's getting scared. There's no one to help her find her way home, find her family, and find safety. And she doesn't understand why she was left there, alone. 

The pain of feeling forgotten will never leave her. And it never quite leaves us, either. Especially when we seldom get answers for why we were left. Lack of certainty breeds a certain proclivity for self doubt. 

Self doubt is everything and we believe what doubt tells us. 

The pain of being forgotten is the gateway to losing ourselves. If someone can forget us, we might as well forget ourselves.