October in Chicago

Autumn reminds me of October in Chicago.  October in Chicago was always a hard month, sweatshirts and long pants to harbor against the chill in the air.  And there is always a chill, whether the sun is shining or not, the wind off of the lake will always be colder than the air of the city.  Turning leaves in the park that always fall to early and walking in the wind tunnels of downtown that always leave your face red.

But for me, October in Chicago always emotes a mixture of the bittersweet and the feeling of hope.  See I don't know what it is with me, maybe its like the Salmon swimming up stream to mate but I have always found myself in the company of a woman, be it friend or more when it comes to October.

Bittersweet because either something ended that I didn't want to end, or hopeful because I met someone new.  But regardless of what happened, it still gives me that thrill of possibility whenever I am outside, in a sweater or sweatshirt and the chill is in the air.

I remember a break up, at the Art Institute, looking at the moderns and the fight that broke out from...I can't remember about what.  It was just something that we both didn't like.  But here is the thing, it was probably because I didn't like the way she thought about something.  I was always wanting to listen to how a woman thinks.  I mean besides their body to admire, I need someone to talk with, to read my poems to, to serenade to, right?

But in this particular case, the fight between me and this girl was loud where I got embarrassed - and I never get embarrassed.  To me, there is always room for discussion, but for some reason we just didn't or couldn't find a way to talk about whatever it was we were fighting about.  So it ended, there in the moderns section of the Art Institute.

Another time, in another October, I met a woman named Teri.  She was incredibly beautiful and incredibly bright.  And I was so filled with hope after meeting her that I was scared.  It scared me that I had that feeling about her.  But with her, opportunity in another state dashed the hopes of that budding relationship.  It would be unfair to do the long distance thing, as we both discussed.  We stayed friends as long as we could, but like all things, they seemed to drift off.  Lengths of time between calls increased and soon... just stopped.

But these are some of the things Autumn reminds me of, October comes around.  The bittersweet of ending relationships and the hope of possibilities from starting them anew.  Anew in the crisp air of an October in Chicago.