The Well: Continued Part ll

For what feels like ten years ago,

I fell down a well.

I still can see the circle of sky

from the mouth of the well.

I still can hear others' laughter

when it echoes down the well.

I still can talk to the rare people

who discover me in the hidden well.

The salty water chills me to the bone,

as well as the stone walls of the well.

I've forgotten the feeling of warmth,

because of the cold and lonely well.

I tread the water for as long as I can,

to keep my face surfaced in the well.

Sometimes I try to climb up the walls,

but I slip on the mossy sides of the well.

Other times I grow too tired of trying

and let myself sink deeper into the well.

I find that it's so peaceful and calm,

submerged in the salty water of the well.

I want to sink deeper and stay there forever,

but I resurface each time from the water of the well.

And smile up at the light shining down,

as it was dark and murky in the ocean water of the well.

The years passed by and by,

as I could tell from down in the well.

It was spring when the chirping of newborn birds,

echoed down the walls of the well.

It was summer when I was most found

by wondering kids who discovered me in the well.

It was autumn when I saw flames of color,

with red, yellow, and orange leaves falling in the well.

It was winter when I would beg to die,

unable to leave the frigid, bone-chilling water of the well.

I sometimes try to forget,

that I'm stuck at the bottom of this well.

My mind floating away to escape into a land of fantasy with dreams of freedom,

where I'm not in the water made from my own sorrowful tears which fill the well.

I can imagine the warmth of what love is,

but I can never really feel it, all because of the well.

My brain and heart are split in two,

my brain sees the lines between the stacked stones that build the walls as bars that cage me in this well,

in my heart, I have fallen in love with the way the moss feels against my feet

the soft green velvet walls below the water of the well.

My mind is so broken that I can't decide,

whether I want to be saved or if I should just stay in this well.

I've been down here too long,

I don't know anything but this well.

I can not even imagine

what life is like outside of this well,

outside its cool air and wet walls?

Was I ever not in this well?

Was I ever running free on the earth above?

Were there people I knew before my fall into the well?

Did they even know of my fall?

If so, do they know how I ended up in this well?

Because I can't remember how this happened to me.

Did someone tell me to jump into the well?

Was it a dare? Was I pushed in?

I traverse the forest of memories in my mind as I desperately search for answers about the well.

Sometimes I think I have found an answer,

only to have it slip through my pruney fingers like the leaves that fall into the well.

I'll probably never hunt down the answers

for why I am in this hellish well.

Should I accept this fate of mine?

To be forever trapped in this well.

My fate proving true as the water level drops whenever my tear ducts dry up for days,

Leaving me mindlessly treading the water of the well.

The hole grows smaller and further away

until my tears start to refill the well.

A few months go by and I've come to accept this situation that I'm in,

That I can never leave this well.

It's mossy stone walls are my home.

And I'm always held and rocked to sleep by the calm tear sea of the well.

But something isn't right,

I can't call my home by just "the well".

No, this hole is special, it's something more,

This is my well, and mine alone, no one else will have this well.

I'm finding myself sinking more and more,

losing my motivation to keep my head afloat in my well.

Haven't I been in this well long enough?

I deserve to let my peaceful fantasies become real and leave my well.

How easy it would be,

to just stop treading the water of my well.

To sink deeper than ever before,

and reach the bottom of my well.

To never have to feel myself cry anymore,

submerged and unable to tell new tears from the old that make up the water of my well.

The voices in my mind have kept me company

for the years I've spent in my well.

But even now, they are just telling me to go away,

to give into the ache of my bones and just sink down in my well.

I'm just tired.

Tired of trying to survive in my well.

Of searching for the reason of why I fell.

Of the questions echoing in my mind like my choked sobs off the stone walls of my well.

I'm done with coming up with no answers.

I'm done with the lonely silence of my well.

What am I to the world

outside of my well?

I do nothing to contribute to anything

as I'm just down here in my well.

I'm not helping anyone,

and no one is helping me with getting out of my well.

I have no worth in this world,

how can I have any worth when I'm barely living in my well.

I'm a nobody.

Just a broken, tired body in my well.

No one would care if I gave up.

No one would even know if I just drowned silently in my well.

I give into my exhaustion,

and sink down into the teary ocean of my well.

My lungs burn for air as I stay under,

my body screaming out to surface in my well.

I ignore my lungs pleas and let myself go limp

in the murky water of my well.

The closer I get to drowning,

I start to panic and finally push myself to surface in my well.

Gasping for breath as the fresh gulps of oxygen clear the fog in my brain

from when was half-drowning in my well.

I'm not sure if I'll attempt to escape another way again,

but for now, I'll just remain as I am, treading the tearful ocean of my well.