The Office Temp

“Get a load of those clunkers,” Shaun laughed as he nudged James in the side with his elbow and signaled in his usual manner to the new office temp who was walking nervously through the door.

“Which agency dug her up? Sterling Cooper?” Shaun continued more dramatically. The two continued lounging by the copy machine and watching her as if they were two buzzards scouting out the fresh roadkill.

She had a lopsided, nervous smile plastered on her face as she walked unsteadily through the office. She was carrying a cardboard box in both of her hands and periodically it would catch on the skirt of her dress, which was catching everyone’s attention.

“Did she raid grandma’s closet?” Shaun said laughing as he pointed in a sneaky fashion to her red vintage wiggle dress that she was wearing to her sixties hairdo. James wondered if she slept with giant coke sized rollers in her hair at night. He also wondered how a person could get used to such a thing.

“I hate it when Kelly goes on vacation,” Shaun sighed. James tried to shrug off Shaun’s abusive commentary. He wanted to conjure up his own judgements on the poor woman with no knowledge of the thoughts of the vicious people around here.

James hated how everyone in the office was so superficial about looks, Shaun especially. The only reason he sided with him on most things was for his own survival. If he didn’t smile politely whenever Shaun or most other coworker began to blabber he knew he would be cast out. James wasn’t terribly attractive himself. He was tall and lanky, and had absolutely unmanageable dark shaggy hair and he wore big square Elvis Costello style glasses and brown suits with clashing ties. If he had to spectate a little torture in order to save himself, he was more than willing. He knew he should be used to this. They did it all the time, Shaun making lewd comments. And James, the dainty sidekick with an oblong smirk. This time he couldn’t help but feel a little defensive for this poor girl. She didn’t have the assets the others did.

“I think we’ve hit rock bottom, buddy,” Shaun chuckled. James gave him a sideways glance, then looked over at the girl as she tried her best to hold up the box while maneuvering throughout the cubicle jungle like a rat in a maze.

“Shut up, Shaun,” James finally said and walked away, leaving Shaun frozen with a stunned look. James ran over to the girl and lifted the box from her arms. She gave out a sigh of relief and looked up at him with big blue eyes behind her pearly cat eye glasses. He had to stop for a moment and adjust his glasses up the bridge of his nose to really get a good look.

She smiled sweetly, “Why, that was so nice of you! I could have sworn my arms were going to give out any minute there. You’d swear I was carrying around bricks!”

James had a hard time responding to her, he was taking her all in at once, and he found it very distracting. She had a cute smile, teeth that only could come out of many awkward years of braces. Her hourglass figure was something out of a Sear’s catalogue from 1964, and it made him think about what kind of undergarments she wore that made her tits that pointy and exciting.

Indignant didn’t even begin to describe it for Shaun. As he watched James engage the new temp, he stared on wondering if he had finally flipped his gourd. Fully a year ago Shaun had made the strategic decision to allow him to participate in the mocking. Granted, there weren’t a lot of other options.

This was the land of data entry, and the slick sheen of society’s cream did not last long here among the drudgery and cubicle half-walls. Shaun was different of course. He could do anything. But this was easy, paid well enough to allow his weekend excursions, and there was little risk of failure. He loathed it deep down, and himself for staying, but still he’d likely be here for years. The only thing that made the existence tolerable was the target rich environment for sarcasm. But you need someone to say the cutting remarks to. A whispered dig is no good unless there’s someone to hear it.

Abandoned and stinging, Shaun eyed James showing the temp through the maze and leaned to his right, “Psst, hey Murphy.”

“Could you tell me where I can find Karen?” The new girl asked James.

“Follow me,” James said, “Are you Kelly’s temp?”

The girl looked at James a little funny. “Kelly’s temp? No, I’m Kelly’s replacement. She’s on maternity leave or something. Oh, oops, I don’t think I was supposed to say anything. You won’t say anything will you?”

James swallowed the information, laughing silently to himself over the fact that Shaun just lost his fuck buddy, and then quickly focused his attention back to the new girl.

“Oh, uh, yeah, sure.” he mumbled.

“Oh, look how rude I’m being,” she continued, “My name is Iris. And you are?” She extended a hand, and then realized his hands were full with the box and slowly pulled them back. She had long, yet strong looking fingers that were adorned with various rings. James imagined what those hands would feel like massaging his back.

“And you are?” She continued, snapping him out of his fantasy.

“Right, yeah. I’m James, sorry. James,” he stuttered.

“Pleased to meet you,” she grinned, “I’m not always this annoying and formal, its just, I’m nervous with it being my first day and all.”

“Iris. Hmm,” James said awkwardly as if he were thinking aloud.

“What was that?” Iris asked.

“Sorry, sorry. I’m just trying to remember your name, that’s all,” he fibbed, “Here we are, this is Karen’s office.” He pointed over to a receptionist’s desk.

“That’s Kelly’s old desk, do you want me to put your stuff there?” He asked.

“Would you? You’re so sweet,” she said, pouring out another warm smile, “I should go see Karen now, but I’d really like to continue chatting with you. Maybe I’ll see you around?”

“Yes. Oh yes!” James said, unable to control his enthusiasm. He quickly tensed up, adjusted his tie, and cleared his voice to cover himself.

“I mean, of course,” he said, trying to put on his best business like tone, “I’m over in accounting.” He hoped that this sliver of information would lead her to “bump” into him sometime soon, despite the fact that accounting was on the opposite side of the building and probably out of her way. Then again, he was the one interested in bumping into Iris.

“Okay,” she said, “Nice to meet you James.” She waved and disappeared into Karen’s office.

He stood there for a moment, letting the sweet way she said his name echo in his head.

James casually walked back to the copy machine, this time with a swagger filled with delight. He liked Iris from what he had just seen. She was different, and she seemed incredibly nice and he was pleasantly surprised by his instant attraction.

He knew he would pay for being nice to her, though. Everyone in the office was so hooked on appearances and conformity that they lacked the necessary foundations of courtesy. Even all the women looked alike, a whole room of clones in the same Anne Taylor suit, flipping their hair extensions. He sometimes wondered what they looked like underneath all the warpaint. There was something about Iris that James could neither identify nor shake, but she was definitely not like the others.

Back at the copy machine, Shaun was steadily laughing and huffing over something that was apparently funny with another colleague. They both turned and sneered at James.

“How was Doris Day there, buddy?” Shaun said with a smug look.

“Good one, Shaun,” the man behind him said, as they gave each other high fives.

James sighed. Workplace Darwinism had played out, and it wasn’t in his favor.