I’m Sorry

The papers go everywhere.

I duck down to the floor and scramble them together again.

“Sorry, I wasn’t watching.”

I say the words but don’t really mean them.

Hands appear and help me.

I wasn’t expecting someone to give me aid.

Especially not since I had been such an idiot and run into them.

Maybe I did mean that I was sorry.

The papers are all in a pile but the hands still haven’t come out of their crouch.

I glance up.

The face I see is that of a boy’s.

A boy that I recognize but don’t know much about.

“It’s fine, it was my fault.”

He smiles and I believe him.

“What do you say I sit next to you at lunch to make up for it?”

He puts out his hand to help me up.

I take it.

“How does that make anything up to me? Unless you pay for lunch.”

“Who says that I was making anything up to you? I might have meant it for me.”

Why does that not make sense.

Why do I not care.

I guess I just don’t want to be alone at lunch.

I want to have someone else to talk to again.

“Hm.”

I pretend to consider.

“All right. You can sit with me...”

I catch my breath.

“But promise not to leave half way through.”

“Ok. I promise.”

He holds up his pinkie to seal the deal.

We walk in the direction of the lunchroom.

My books and papers are under my chin probably carving a line into it.

And cue the awkward silence.

I’m surprised when it doesn’t last very long.

“I saw drawings on the papers. Are you an artist?”

Do you actually care.

Are you just asking to break the silence.

“Yeah. Drawing can take emotion and represent it but also twist it. Make it new.”

I glance at him through the corner of my eye.

“That’s actually really cool. Artists don’t usually talk about that sort of stuff.”

Is he just humoring me.

I duck my head.

“Most people don’t see it that way. They think the way I see art is weird.”

And he laughs at me.

My head comes up very quickly.

Here comes the teasing.

“That’s ridiculous! I’m an artist, too you know.”

His smile looks genuine…

“Not the same kind, I just play the piano and violin. And a couple others. I haven’t ever really thought of it that way before, but I guess that applies to music as well.”

We go through the lunchroom doors.

So he doesn’t despise me?

Interesting.

“What other instruments?”

“Not important. I’m not really good enough at them to say that I actually play.”

He holds the second pair of doors open for me.

Another girl walks up to us.

“Leo.”

Ah.

The girlfriend has arrived.

And the worst part is that we have a history.

“Yes Caroline.”

He looks away from me and I take my cue to leave.

As I slip past he grabs my arm.

“I thought we both promised not to leave half way through.”

Uuummmmmmm.

What?

I stand in complete silence as he turns back to Miss Caroline.

“I knocked into…”

Oh yeah.

My name.

But I never get the chance to tell him what it is.

“Sarah in the hallway and made her fall over and drop everything.”

He knows my name.

How?

“I offered to buy her lunch to make up for it. You can sit with us if you want to.”

She looks so disgruntled and unhappy and lost that I almost feel bad for her.

Almost.

“All right. You wouldn’t mind me joining you, would you Sarah?”

Can I say something bold and tell her that I would mind it very much?

No.

“Sure Caroline. You can sit with us.”

I continue to get my lunch.

“Word on the street is that you’re buying me lunch.”

I hear his laughter for the second time that day. I smile with him.

“Yeah, I would never go back on a pinkie promise.” The smile I can’t see is evident in his voice.

Caroline has never been silent for so long, so she must introduce her opinion into the conversation.

“I love your outfit, Sarah.”

That smirk cuts through the compliment.

I hear her clang her lunch tray on the others around it.

“Thank you.”

What am I supposed to say to such a sarcastic remark?

Caroline continues “It is very… unique.”

I can’t help it, the words just slip out. Sort of.

“Thanks for noticing Caroline.” I have filled my tray so I turn to look at her. “I am never able to make it to the huge Abercrombie sales like the rest of you, but I still try to look nice.”

The books and papers with the food on top suddenly become heavy. I shouldn’t have said that.

Caroline scoffs and walks away. I expect Leo to follow her, but he stays by my side. As he said he would.

“I’m sorry.” We both say it at the same time. I mean it, too. I don’t have to think about this one, either.

Leo smiles again. “What do you have to be sorry for? She is convinced we are dating and so she can be kind of mean sometimes.”

He turns towards the doors.

“We are good friends, but she doesn’t want me to have other friends.”

They aren’t dating! Have they ever been dating? What else had she been lying about all the time that we were best friends?

He bumps into my shoulder. “Want to go eat?”

As we walk past the table that Caroline is at I make sure to walk past her, get her attention and softly whisper, “Sorry.”

She turns away and chatters away about something.

I walk forward, the books no longer so cumbersome in my arms. As we reach another table Leo tells a joke and I laugh.