Best

i used to want to be the best 

now I just want to be 

i used to care about maintaining my GPA

now I care about maintaining my heartbeat 

making this brain a brain I want to have,

this body a body i'm thankful for,

not just a vehicle for holding my backpack, grades slipping, like my shoulders pushed down with insecurities, making every minute i spend on this earth another minute sinking deeper into it, feeling the muscles in my fingers play music and wave, instead of pushing my life away. 

I used to want to be successful, now I just want to be grateful. tell my family i love them, telling my smile I'm sorry I only used you with teachers, I'm sorry my teeth have forgotten what the sky looks like, sorry you've forgotten what food feels like until its 2 am and you're stress eating between studying for pop quizzes and studying how to breathe correctly when everything in your life is upside down

I used to want to be a leader,

now I lead myself towards freedom,

I used to want to be strong

now I am strong enough to hold the weight of my anxieties in the palm of my hand,

I used to want to be handed trophies,

now I just want to hold your hand,

I used to be haunted by all the things I wasn't good enough for,

used to be better at looking good on paper,

used to be smart,

used to be ambitious

now I'm just happy.