The Benefits of Sarcasm

(An excerpt from a book that was never written)

Meet Sarcasm

______There's so much, countless! great benefits of Sarcasm. Sarcasm was found in ancient Egypt in 13-somethin’ B.C. In ancient Egypt, they called it “shukulolo” in English means, ‘have fun before it's all gone.’ also translated into Greek as ‘have a piece o cake after eating the steak.’ Ancient Egyptians used Sarcasm in a variety of ways and in many occasions as they considered it the greatest gift of all time, it was a gift from ‘Ra’ the God of Netflix & Chill. God Ra gifted Sarcasm to his people as a coping mechanism weapon when they were suffering from the most powerful disease ever known to humankind. The disease called ‘depression,’ or ‘dépression’ as they called it in France during the ‘The Chilly War’ in 17-somethin’ B.C. Sarcasm was very popular the time for either healing the most powerful psychopath Kings and Queens, or getting rid of them. Sarcasm was well known in the ancient world as the gift of the cool God, and ancient Egyptians used it on daily basis.

The Chilly War

______France was one of the most powerful nations. It was beautiful as hell with seductive, deep, crystal-like green eyes. They were very rare and the most valuable on planet earth. Egypt fell in love with her crystal-like green eyes that beam spiritual ray from the inside-out. Egypt fell in love with her, at first sight! And unconditionally. Egypt wanted to embrace the crystals and keep them in the heart of her capital city, but France resisted, she did not want to give it up easily and declared war against Egypt. The war lasted for decades but neither of them won the war, it was like cats’ fight that you never want it to end, more like The Cold War but without guns, no bullets fired. No winners in this war but losers. Both lost things. Although, Egypt loved it, loved it like loving an ice-cream-brain-freeze that hurts but you will not let go of that ice cream cone. That's why they called it The Chilly War. It burns yet joyful.

The Horny King

______After the Chilly War with France, Egypt was in such bad shape as most of their Jaggy-juggle soldiers were killed during the war. And who's the opportunist asshole who would take an advantage of the situation to declare war against Egypt? The answer is Greece. Greece finally won the war and colonized Egypt in 17-somethin B.C. after so fucking boring fight, when Alexander the King of Greece was horny and wanted to hook-up with Cleopatra, the Queen of Egypt at the time. Alexander invaded Egypt and forced Cleopatra to live with him in his Cando so that they would play ‘Bride and Groom,’ but Cleopatra managed to fool him every night and say, “my king! you shall not fuck tonight for my body under maintenance in the hands of Gods.” she always claimed to have her period, every night, for the last two years or so. When the horny king figured that she was fooling him all along he went furious and issued the first bill rights. The bill had an order to suspend the Internet, Wi-Fi, and TV from the Egyptian fellas. Ancient Egyptians were sooo pissed off and fucked up, all their cellular devices became useless pieces of shit, and so their wonderful talents as of texting while walking like stupid zombies, playing Pokémon on the go and get hit by a camel or bump into each other, neither they can even play Candy Crash on the fucking river bus.

______I mean, come on man, seriously! What is life anymore without internet?! This is not life!

The new bill put them into deep depression again. I know. Right?! Sounds like they loved this shit but they didn't. Although, Egyptians did not give up, they were smart people, I guess. After a long roll with depression, again, they decided to use the secret weapon to cope with it, the gift that Ra the God of Netflix & Chill has bestowed on them, Sarcasm!

Fortunately, the horny king did not know about this gifted weapon. Otherwise, he would have used it on himself and properly has turned into a clown or something, rather than a king.

Sarcasm Is My Lifestyle

______Sarcasm played such magnificent role in Egyptians’ lifestyle, it was a savior Jesus-fucking-Christ like. When Egyptians were gifted Sarcasm, they were like, “oh yeah baby, booyah,” they embraced Sarcasm as a member of their own families, just like a woof, woof dog. “One ov us, one ov us” they would cheer up among one another at home, licking each other's faces, and French kiss while the salivation pouring off their mouths on their white Egyptian-made cotton shirts. And ever since, Egyptians are addicted to Sarcasm.

______Egyptians would carry Sarcasm along with them at all time, everywhere they go. They carried it in their school backpacks, in their made-in-China yoga pants that they wore 24 hours a day, at work and workout, at the national parks, and even at bedtime, like morons. They carried it in their stupid too-skinny jeans pocket too, it squeezed out of their fat-coated butts, it looked like a backward-boner or dildo, and they were proud of it. Other times, they would even blend it up with morning's protein shakes and smoothies before they head to the gym, work, or school. At work, Egyptians used Sarcasm to bullshit one another as of ‘a time killing technique,’ like a cellular device or something,’ but remember! they don't have access to Internet or wi-fi, and even the restaurants and coffee shops started to shut down due to the enormous decreased number of consumers, because they couldn't offer free wi-fi as they used to, but not anymore, not after Greece fucked them up and took the Internet and all of the their electronic toys away from them, except for the cell phones, just for a fun little tease, as long as they were useless anyway without Internet or wi-fi. Hence, they used Sarcasm instead.

______Ancient Egyptians also used Sarcasm at home when their parents ‘crap-talk’ them, of course, in high manners, and professionally.

______Aww, such cute fucked-up little kids, who would have thought! These cute fucked-up little kids will rise and shine like a diamond in the sky. Of course, they were the future as later, they will invent cool toys for entertainment, as we know them in today's world as RPGs, Machine-guns, and all kinds of the cool shitty toys that we truly enjoy today, and, of course, the coolest toy of them all… Nuclear-dildos.

Those kids though, LMAO…

I'm Sexy and I Know It

______Sarcasm was very popular and spreading rapidly across the globe. Like the Hashtag and the Hawaiian Pizza, like Cheeseburger, like Mac ‘n Cheese. It was very popular that the surrounding countries heard about it. All the other countries wanted it, they all wanted Sarcasm. China attempted to knead an artificial version but it would crack quickly as soon as it was unpacked by the hands of the planet earth! The consumers would get angry and ask for a refund, but then they remember the ‘terms and conditions’ book that they never read and go... “seriously ma nigga!” even though they knew that China was in Asia, they just liked the sound of it.

______The rednecks got jealous, “poop or get off the pot” they said, and so they decided that they'd go for a hunt and get one Sarcasm to themselves. The rednecks gathered around as one group, they were as happy as a tick on a fat dog. Ready to go! Rednecks carried as much food as they can carry along the journey, in addition to one shotgun ‘just in case,’ and headed to the Amazon. According to the history, no one of them had returned, however, there are some scientific claims that they were either killed eaten by a lion or bitten by a snake, or they might just have shot themselves in the foot so that they bleed to death rather than getting bitten by a squirrel.

Fuck Me... No More

______There was a King named ‘Fuck-Me’ was suffering a disturbing disease, called ‘Suck-English.’ The scientists at the time busted their butts off trying to find cure for it but they had no luck with any of their experimental attempts. They felt down, they felt like dumb asses and the king would shitting and mocking them, and sending them funny memes and gifs with poop emojis and stuff like that, all the fucking day long! The shitting and mocking somehow motivated them and eventually they got their shit together and invented the machine, they called it ‘CMFG’ which stands for Check-My-Fucked-up-Grammar. Although, the machine did not work well as they would have expected, but it helped to stop the disease from growing. But that mother-yucker disease was very manipulative badass, the CMFG machine would no longer work after some time. The disease was started to grow again and developed into higher stages that seemed to appear in side effects such as, forgetting words, spelling errors, and even wrong pronunciation.

______King Fuck-Me was fed up of this shit, he believed that Sarcasm would be the cure for his disease. Fuck-Me heard that Egyptians had used it on Nefertiti’s breasts to make ’em bigger, and it worked! Sarcasm does almost everything they would've imagined. King Fuck-Me wanted this cure so badly, like right in the ass, but he was aware that he was incompetent to declare war against the Egyptians. Egyptians were too powerful and King Fuck-Me was such a pussy, he wouldn't take the risk. However, he was kind of smarty pants, and he had a plan! His plan was to fuck himself rather than let the disease fucking him like a pain in the ass, over and over, and over again. And so, he did… King Fuck-Me fucked himself, bravely! And he fucked ever after his mighty death and his people raised a giant statue of him to honor him and his fuckery story.

______Before his death, he has commanded his royal court to bury his body in New York Temple where the other fellow fuckers lie too, in peace, of course.

Visit Me in the Afterlife/Near Future

New York Temple found at 382 Avenue W, next to McDonald's, at the north side of upper Manhattan nearby Fuckery Avenue. New York Temple considered one of the most mysterious temples of all time. Tourists today come from all over the world to take cool selfies and Snapchat with King Fuck-Me pictures that drown on the walls of the temple and laugh at his fuckery things. And the ancient Egyptians sarcasmtized themselves to death, as they believed in the afterlife. Although, scientists do not have any goddamn evidence whatsoever whether or not ancient Egyptians are living Gods among us, but they do claim that they have discovered how Ancient Egyptians were Sarcasmtized in a socialized society along with their capitalized properties. Waiting for the afterlife. They also considering posting some cool YouTube videos for educational purposes, in the near future. No one knows when hell this fucking near future is, but they confirmed that the videos will be uploaded as soon as the Congress releases their scientific research funding. In the near future.

References

“The Sarcastic King” by C.C. (07, August 1985). Retrieved 30 September 2017.

“When I Fucked Myself” by Depressed, Guy. (4 April 1986). Retrieved 22 December 2016.

“Sarcasm Today” Archived from “Scientists Association.” (23 October 2016). Retrieved.17 November 2017.

“Coping Mechanism” Archived from “Imagery University of Somewhere.” (17 June 1979). Retrieved 16 May 2015.

“My Sarcastic Mode” Archived from “Have Fun Sometimes.” (since forever years). Retrieved just-right-now, always, all-time.

Author's note: Has my English improved?

Have my grammar improved? nah, and nay.

Also, due to the current buggy baggy bug that we're

Dealing with, I used underscore instead of indentation.

Creativity, huh? wink *_^

_______________ #pff _______________

#PieceOfShit #Bah #FuckMe #JustKidding

#RightMiddleFinger____#LeftMiddleFinger