Blue Whale and the mute boy

My name is Tim Tharpe. I am fifteen years old going on thirty-two. Why thirty-two? Because it speaks to me that number. It tells me I live in a beach front house with glass walls, drink strong coffee of the shipped in exclusive type and wear expensive but laid back threads. But I’m not there yet. I’m here, living the good life in Wainscot, a fifteen-year-old computer genius slash blogger, living at home with the family housekeeper, cause my parent are rich assholes.

Now, people who know me usually fuck up pronouncing my name. So, before we begin getting personnel, I want you to get it straight in your head, because I don’t like to think of you messing up my name before you start fondling the pages of my story. I mean, I got standards, one of which, before I invite you jump on in beneath times new roman font twelve with me— it’s not really, it’s Georgia, but who gives a fuck, right? — I want you to at least be able to pronounce my god damn name. So, it’s Tim, easy peasy and, Tharp, like harp but with thhh, stuck at the front. Got it? Good. Now we can cozy on up and get personnel.

I’m a good looking guy— lucky you, wouldn’t be as much fun if I was twenty stone and had a skin condition named, pusszititis, or some shit along those lines now would it?

I have bright blue eyes, the type of colour that catches your attention and holds it. Sun kissed skin, glowing with youth and vitality of course. A strong jaw, and here’s the bummer. Drum roll please. I have a tongue that will never, like ever make sound you want to hear in any lifetime: It’s like a cross between and angry Shrek and wolf boy. No one wants to hear that sound, least of all me, so I keep it to myself and use the flip sign more than any other in my finger language skills. And hell, if I don’t deserve to. I might not have the gift of speech but damn if I’m not a fricking computer genius and what I’m seeing right now in teenage online trends, has me worried. So, here’s what I’m going to do— because I can’t just do nothing right? I have a moral obligation— Yeh I’m mute and I can talk grown up, shock fucking gasp— to do something, cause if your gonna commit suicide, you may as well get a laugh out of the whole process and maybe, just maybe discover life just aint the blog-worthy pile of crap you thought it was after all; Not with people like me to keep you smiling. And then, get this, you don't want to not see tomorrow anymore. Which is making me smile even if you can't see it, cause you just made my day.