A shepherd’s nightmare

The night air howled as Jenny huddled with her sister, trying desperately to keep her warm. Sitting on the packed January snow, Lorrie’s legs were draped over Jenny’s like a pretzel.

“My bum is so cold, Jenny”, she said, frozen tears stinging her cheeks.

“I know Pookie, mine too”, Jenny said. She looked towards her brother whose head was cradled in his arms as he rocked back and forth.

“Matt, come closer. We have to keep warm”, she said while pulling him by the arm.

“I hate him! I wish he was dead! I’m going to buy a gun, and kill him!” Matt said sniffling. His lower lip was quivering, and he looked like he was going to cry again.

Jenny pulled his head in closer to her chest and caressed the back of his t-shirt, being careful to keep it tucked into his track pants.

“Shh, Matty, it’ll be over soon,” she said and looked up at the bedroom room window, watching a familiar scene unfold; two silhouettes, one of them timorous, recoiling like a sheep from the attack of a wolf. Jenny gulped, and pulled her brother and sister closer, shielding their eyes from the storm.

“Is mommy coming yet?” Lorrie said quietly. Her teeth were chattering, and her eyes were getting heavy.

“Hush, little baby, don’t say a word. Momma’s gonna buy you a mockingbird. If that mockingbird don’t sing, Nana’s gonna buy you a diamond ring…” Lori sang, trying to keep her voice from cracking as she swallowed the bitter wind. She shifted position, her arms locked on Matty and Lorrie. She wished she had put on a thicker pair of sweat pants, but she was never prepared for this. Each time, Jenny had talked herself into believing that it would be the last. She wasn’t as trusting as Lorrie and Matt, but she hadn’t allowed herself to become dispirited during the last three years. Surely, not every dad was like theirs. Matt and Lorrie couldn’t make sense of it, but she had learned about relationships in health class. Mrs. Pattington was quite informative about the dynamics between males and females. She often wondered if Mrs. Pattington was suspicious of what was going on with her because of all her questions, but though her teacher was smart, she was disconnected with her students. Her best friend, Tasha, had complained twice about the boys in the class to Mrs. Pattington, and both times Mrs. Pattington hadn’t lifted her head from her journal while Tasha was talking to her, mumbled an occasional ‘uh huh’, and shrugged her off with ‘all twelve year old boys like to tease girls. Just walk away.’

The sharp pain Jenny suddenly felt in the arm she had wrapped around Matty made her wince and brought her back to the harsh reality of the storm.

“I’m hungry Jenny. Can we go inside now?” Matty said.

She looked again at the family room window and saw that the silhouettes were no longer there. The sliding door opened slowly, and there her weary mother stood, waving for them to come in.

Matty’s eyes lit up. His mouth curved into a semi-smile as he rose to his feet and ran towards his mother. Lorrie’s eyes were closed, her head still against Jenny’s chest. Jenny gently jerked her little sister’s chin.

“Time to go inside, Lorrie”, she said. Jenny took hold of her, lifted her up to her feet with her, and released her. It was then she noticed how tiny Lorrie still was for a nine year old. An overwhelming feeling of reverence for her sister came over her. Her minuscular body was no match to her kind and loving disposition; a disposition that hadn’t changed, despite the trials she had endured from the age of three.

“Mom,” Jenny cried, and joined Matty and Lorrie who were cradling their mother’s legs, her mother’s arms tightly around them. Jenny wondered if her siblings saw the apparent distress in their mother’s face.

“I’m so sorry, my babies. I am so, so sorry”, she said, her grip steadfast.

Jenny wanted to console her, yet slap her at the same time.. She let go her grip around her mother’s frail torso. She closed the screen door, secured the lock and wrapped Matty and Lorrie together in the blanket her mom had. She felt her mother’s moist tears come down onto her forehead. Her shoulders slumped in defeat while she walked Matty and Lorrie to the sofa and tucked them both under the blanket. She then reached for the matches on the top of the fireplace mantle and lit it. The room was dark, and cold. She watched the flames crackle, all the while seeing her mother’s figure from the corner of her eye. She hadn’t moved. She turned to look at her to find her staring down, frozen in her tracks. She walked towards her slowly to look at her face more closely. She couldn’t see any visible marks, though the fire only emitted a dim light. Jenny’s heart felt like it was being ripped from her chest. The beast could not be tamed, and any attempt made by this meek figure before her was futile. The pain the sheep endured at the evil wolf’s hand was by far worse than the mildly frostbitten toes and fingers they experienced the last few times.

“Mom?” Jenny said. She struggled with the words.

Her mom looked up, but Jenny could only make out the round, large shape of her mother’s eyes.

“When is this going to end?” she said, imploring her mother’s eyes for an answer.

After a few minutes, her mother said “We can’t leave. He will find us and kill us.”

“Shouldn’t we tell the police?” Jenny begged.

“No. Don’t you know who your father is? He runs this city. No one can help us”, she said.

After another half hour of silence, her mother gently nudged Matty, whispering for him that it was time for bed. Her look told Jenny she wanted her to do the same with Lorrie. They walked as quietly as they could up the long set of stairs, and each went into a separate bedroom. When they met outside the bedrooms, Jenny took ahold of her mom in her arms, tightly. She could feel her mom’s breath come faster, and she released Jenny’s grip.

“Good night my sweet child,” her mom said, and turned away.

Jenny’s eyes followed her mom’s shadow until it was around the corner and out of sight; until she could hear her mom’s bedroom door close.

He would be fast asleep now.

Jenny knew it was time.