The Real Conspiracy Theory

I heard a conspiracy theory that President Donald Trump is actually the late Andy Kaufman in disguise. I was in my parent's basement, in my underwear, eating a bowl of Cheetos, and moving my buff warrior avatar across the street (all by himself).

My parents are always complaining to me that I should get out and get a job (like a 32 year old can find a job) because their Social Security money won't feed a family of three anymore.

But Donald Trump is really Elvis (or some other guy) in disguise.

My friends always complain about their mortgages, or kids, or how much their college tuition will costs, or how difficult it is to travel overseas. I can't deal with them anymore. They are like, so, like, into their, like money and everything, like, they are missing out on binge watching, like, Netflix, and like, that Trump guy, like, I hate him, like, yeah.

My doctor always complains about my weight, high blood-pressure, and something he calls, diabetes. I found that word on the new Call of Duty game that my parents won't buy for me. I blame it all on Trump and the crony capitalism of the last 8 years of his presidency. My friend, when he gets out on parole, me and him will figure out stuff because the President promised to get us out of Irack and I-Ran. He promised.

If the President is this Andy Kaufman guy, I mean, he should be impeached and stuff.

They should have another election because if the President is so unpopular, he should be kicked out. I heard that's in the Constitution right next to free stuff we all should get but the rich have all of the money and I ain't got none.

At least that's what my shrink tells me.