Almost There

I went home after dropping my daughter off…I went home and I thought…. I thought about the only person other than her in this world that I share my heart with. I thought, and I cried, and I thought more. I thought about all we've accomplished together as friends, as a team. I thought about how beautiful and happy we are when we are together. I thought about how that projects onto those around us. I thought about how we bring joy to others and one another. I thought good things and still I cried. I cried because all that I've tried may fall apart and she may not ever be in my arms again. I cried because so much of my life has ended in tragedy, and this I do not want to be, for us.

When I'm away from her, she is all I think about. When I am near her, she is still all I think about. If this was a one sided thing I could chalk it up to obsession and be over with it. Alas, we share each other's joy and pain. We share the longing and the worry that we may not know when we'll see each other again. It is the worst kind of bittersweetness I have ever experienced in my life. This longing is for certain one of a deepest cutting knife.

Once I love, it's hard for me to let go. You see, I have everything to gain and so little to lose. For many years I've been waiting for that one little glimmer in a person that sparks all my senses. She has proven to be it. What she offers to me is more than I could even care to take from a person. She simply gives it, and I can only oblige to accept. All I offer to her is me, and in that she will have awoken a courage in herself that she may have not ever known existed. We need one another, we thrive off of each other, even when we linger alone in the cruel distances, we still share this.

The few things I feel I can do to make her happy are to offer some of the hardest lessons in life to finding happiness. I learned these lessons in a bleak way, all alone and it's not something I would give up despite the pain I had to endure. That being stated, it would nearly crush me to think that all that she has seen and witnessed through me would be dismissed in vain. Whether or not we do end up together is not what the question begs. It is whether or not she will reach within herself to throw caution to the wind to face struggles that she may not have ever known. When all is said and done, I will help guide her one way or the other. Until she sees the true value of life in ways that I do. Because I have already begun to do the same derived from her.