Working Draft of Our Holiday Crambo...
Line #
1. The uncles are red-faced and merry, as Grandma is sipping the sherry
2. The hour's but quarter to seven, and biscuits are starting to leaven
3. In the tree hangs a cat, quite canny, with tinsel streams from his fanny!
4. Held in my room I resist, for around my family I musn't exist
5. Little John tugs the tree to get kitty, sending tinsel en l'air ('tis quite pretty)
6. And the Christmas tree falls to the ground, sending little sparks all around
7. Old aunt Mary with her bad knee, one step, two, she trips over the tree
8. And sweet cousin Mini kissed big burly Moe, there they stand under the mistletoe...
9. Hark, jolly big 'Ma sings merrily, for fallen Aunt & tree isn't sad tragedy!
10. But there was a box squashed by the tree: a delicate present unfortunately...
11. The clay owl statue lost its beak; alas, it was an antique.
12. Pa walks past the tree and grabs a box from the coffee table which holds the rare, precious, unbreakable, identical, triplet-owl-statue from the nearby antique store.
13. But alas, as good ol'dad turns around, he falls over Aunt Mary tinsel tangled on the ground.
14. A gasp escaped from everyone there; on the floor with the owl, Pa's toupee very near!
15. Till Cousin Brun-Hilda shrieked, "a Rat!" while chucking her heirloom red cloche-hat
16. And though it was toupee not rat, she struck it quite hard with a bat, and while we looked on, encouraged by song, the owl was purloined by the cat.
17. Woof! Peewee the dog jumped off the sofa, sniffed and snatched the toupee belongs to ol' Pa
18. Oh No cried Dad and covered his head, the rest of his face had turned quite red.
19. Peewee the dog ran out in a flash, burying the toupee with the rest of his stash.
20. Falling snow on frosty lands, Reflected from the earth below
21. Arose the fullness of helping hands, bringing joy from where ever they go.
22. Through freezing ice and burning sand, hearts are bright and all algow.
23. Young singer's ring Jingle Bells gladly, while chanting out loudly...
24. Carolers arrive, such a joyous sound, hark what have we here, a man digging up the ground.
25. In a large hat, Dad mutters and digs, where has that f***ing dog put my wig?
26. This man needs help, the ground's frozen hard, come on carolers, let's dig up the yard!
27. The carolers scramble all over the snow, and then one yells "found it!" as she pulls from below...
28. The carolers clapped and cheered. Then, look! jolly big 'Ma brought them some Christmas treats
29. Peewee the dog came out of his hiding place behind the wall sheepishly as the carolers began to sing Deck the Halls gracefully
30. Without noticing the toupe looked worse for wear. Dad plopped it back on his head and presto he had hair.
31. The yard full of holes, hands like ice, come inside, said Dad, it's warm and nice.
32. The room filled up with much chat and good cheer, the tree stood askew, the floor had been cleared.
33. Ahh... well-now, we're ready then perchance, for music and a good-old square-dance?
34. Square dance sweaty, some romantic winks, food and gifts and loads of drinks.
35. Everyone danced well into the night, dad did some breakdancing and gave gran a fright.
36. After a headspin he was bald once again, but moved into a freeze with a big fat grin.