Breaking Records

I went eight days without feeling like I wanted to pick apart my heart and fill my throat with anything that could make me feel less empty

Fill it so full until my breaths cull and suddenly collapse

Did you notice how my mouth looks just like a debacle

And my fingers like fiascos

Often, when I'm low, I feel like a catastrophe waiting to happen because I know what I'm capable of

I destroy what I love

Kill life before it kills you

That's my motto, although I feel like some aspects of my life are beating me black and blue

But that's just me being dumb, especially today, because I feel particularly numb

I'm doing more diagnostics and I'm starting to realize things I didn't know before

I have to roll over three times before I can sleep and often before I leave any bathroom I have to tap my leg in three sets of ten

I don't like letting anyone in

I check if I locked the door three times so maybe you have to unlock me three times before I can even say hello without feeling like a weight on your chest

But I'm digressing

I mess and still am messing up so many things everyday

From daily conversations with things I shouldn't say

Eight days down the gutter

I don't want to utter another word

Go away, I'm a basket case

Haven't you heard