How I’ve been

I've been captivated by a dark storm. It is willing me to do better, to fight harder, to be more. Make them all fall in love with you. Don't give away what you are. Kick them when they are already down. Say you tripped. Walk quietly with a big stick. Be ruthless and successful. Be bolder. Don't kill anyone. Become even more beautiful. Be better.

Last night, a horrible monster came into my room. It was going to kill me. It was tall and it had a protruding face. It was a dark figure, and I could do nothing but lay very still and not breath until it went away into dust for my creatures slayed it. The light drove it away.

I feel less and less everyday. I have not felt joy, nor happiness in ages. I am mostly calculating, and when I am not I am angry. All memory of the feelings I used to have are slowly fading and distorting into a huge lump of absolutly nothing. The only thing that brings me alive is my creatures. When I talk to people I have emotion memorys, but as soon as they fall silent I die.

I do not think that what is so deeply wrong with me is normal. I do not think it can be narrowed down to the haunting combination I have explained in the past. I think I am something new. The prime specimen.

And now I must heed the dark storm, and become the best, better then even before, so they will see the crown of ice upon my head, ringed with fire from my hollow steel heart, and they will fear me. They will bow down before me.