A Walk in the Woods

I retired last week. Because I had dressed in conservative clothes for so long, I decided to wear ripped jeans on my last day of work. I told my boss this was all I could afford after forty years of budget managing. I got a few laughs while my peers looked at me and whispered suspicions I'd really lost my mind.

I felt freed from "jail"! Now what would I do? I was divorced and the kids were far away. To clear my mind and figure that out, I went for a walk at Dogwood Park. I found a handy parking spot near the walking trails. I pushed the lock button and headed for the narrow paths that lead to secluded woods. Dogwood trees were all around with fresh air and solitude.

What's this? I see a white bug with a black head right in the path. It's not moving. I tap it with my toe, half chastising myself for not focusing on retirement. It's dead but I just have to see it close up. Well by golly it's an old cigarette! I'm alone deep in the woods, no one is around to judge and it's been a while since I smoked one of grand dad's

hand rolled cigs. I thought of grand dad as I lit up the little fag.

Ten Minutes Later:

This is such a beautiful park! I slowed my pace just because I could. A little flock of ducks crossed the path ahead. It was the funniest thing I'd ever seen! I laughed at their webbed feet. I laughed at their duck bills and feathers as they waddled all in a row. I saw them enter the water and go ass up and I laughed some more! The birds sang, the squirrels called out and scrambled in the trees. I imagined I was in China from being around all the dogwood trees. I could have sworn I saw a panda bear staring at me.

I began to panic! I could not find my way out of the park! Which path? Oh shit! Did I come from there? In a few minutes, I found my car and while attempting to unlock it, I hit the alarm button. Now I knew everyone in the parking lot was staring at this old geezer but no one else was there! I got into my car and sat still. It was right then that I realized my retirement plan. Many thoughts of preparation swirled through my head. I felt so motivated right down to my very bones.

I built a pond on my property.

Ten years later:

I enjoyed the most successful duck farm in the UK until my family took over last summer. Retirement was smashing. Oh look! I sat in my recliner and lit up another of grand dad's. One of the grandkids must have left it here.