ADHD

It felt senseless to him

staring at the teacher

staring at the blackboard

with the chalk lines that

were supposed to say

something important,

seeing other learners

with glazed eyes and gap

mouthed expressions

pretending without

success not to be clueless,

the professor claps his hands,

stirs up white dust,

bats at it in feeble effort to

breathe again, straightens

his tie, if he flipped it

around it would be a

noose, sometimes when

they pulled the lever

they would drop beneath

the stage and their neck

wouldn’t break, body

screaming that it didn’t

want to die, trying to

keep breathing only to

suffocate as the rope

grew tighter, and he thought

it would be better for

the fall to break him

instead of suffering, even

if it meant a few more

moments off the scythe

of a nearby reaper, pay

attention, his lips are

moving, he’s not deaf

but damn it’s hard to hear,

slips like butter, the others

are saying something, time

to regurgitate but he

didn’t swallow it down

right the first time, he

heard somewhere cows

actually chew their food

twice, a reason for the

cud, imagines it noxious

but necessary like a lot of

things in life, like too much

oxygen can kill a man and the

air’s impurities are needed,

a required taint, like mother’s

anti-depressant that makes

her loopy in the head but

keeps her fingers off the blades

and away from the arteries

beneath the scars on her

wrists, resurfacing, shit, the

room is silent, the teacher

stares him down, merciless,

waiting for the answer to the

question he missed, waiting

for him to spit out the tally

like a cash register for something

he didn’t want to buy, growing

disappointed, the sheep around

him maaaaa’ing laughter, his

head shaking morosely back

and forth as he mutters, “you

really are a very stupid boy.”