My Protector of Choice

In pondering what fictional character I would want as my personal bodyguard, my first thought was Chewbacca. He's formiddable with his bowcaster and in a friendly game of Dejarik, may rip an arm off an opponent if he loses. Imagine what he'd do to an actual enemy. I might even get lucky enough to visit his home planet of Kashyyyk. However, even if I could obtain his undying loyalty by saving his life or being related to Han Solo (unlikely), I don't understand his language. As having C-3PO follow me around is right out, this lack of communication would be a grave hindrance to our relationship. Finally, Chewbacca stands out too much in the world I live in, as there are no other (obvious) alien species on Earth.

Jason Bourne is a another strong candidate. Who can sense danger like he can? He deals with threats swiftly and efficiently, and avoiding detection is his forte. However, all the precautionary measures he would have me employ would really cramp my lifestyle. Not that I lead an exciting sort of a life, but I would like to continue to go out and do normal things and not just hole up somewhere. But the primary reason I haven't recruited Bourne is that I know he wants to get out of the business. Sure, I might be able to hire him for a couple of years, but I don't want to have to go through the search process all over again. I want someone who will guard me for most, if not all, of my life.

That's why Holly Short, a fairy from the Artemis Fowl series, is an excellent choice. She's still a young eighty years old and will surely outlive me. Captain Short is an officer in LEP Recon, the CIA equivalent of the secret fairy world (where humanity is the foreign country). She's tough, smart, and wicked with a Neutrino 2000. She has magical healing, stealth, and hypnotic abilities, and the techology at her disposal far surpasses what humanity can muster. Short would be an unseen yet highly effective body guard. With her advanced surveillance and detection technology, she wouldn't even need to be with me all the time. Which is good, because she would probably be bored to death without LEP Recon missions to run.

Holly Short is my pick, but I'm afraid I may have trouble securing her. I haven't figured out how to convince her to work for me. Although she values life, why would she be dedicated to the welfare of a specific human being? About the only way she'd come to protect me is if an apocalypse were imminent and only I could save the world.

Ah well, one can dream.