in all honesty, i’m just tired

Self deprecating thoughts

How they tire me

Go ahead and fire at me

I know it seems like I'm trying my best

But there's no fire in me

I'm just as empty as I used to be

All these little things

I bottle up

And put into jars

Hoping they might be bought

A penny a thought

Yet no one buys them

I'm broke

All because I keep on buying theirs

Guess it was never meant to be fair

Another day walking through the halls

Empty as ever

Music blasting

Phone in the pocket of my piss smelling hoodie

My eyes dropping low

Sharing the weight on my shoulders

What a fucking mess I am

Looking into the bathroom mirror

Dirtied with age or my thoughts?

I'll never know

I hear all they say

But none of it ever gets through to me

When did everything become so blurry?

That grey-blue winter tint never seems to go away

My eyes blink like the light above me

Am I really that old?

My hands run through my hair

Pulling away the thought that he's ignoring me

I thought we were friends

God, this always happens

They're calling my name

But if I go outside

I'll fall apart

How long will this go on?

Am I really who I say I am?

The question keeps burning in my head

Can't really confide in any of my friends

Got issues upon issues

Piled up like heaps of burning trash

Letting poisons of thoughts seep into their lungs

Weighing them down like bags of sand

Praise me and raise me up again

I'm not really a fan

But it helps me either way

Force me to smile

Please don't leave me bare

There's something I just have to wear

Not that you seem to care

I go to therapy for this

Why am I still in here?

The answer forever stays unclear

I'm losing my head

Aching lights wake me up again

Reminding me

There's no time to just sit here

Yet that's all I want to do

Miss me or piss on me

I don't know which they'll do

Rather I don't really care

I might just pass out right

How I wish to take a nap with you

And know that you'll be there

Just a fantasy

An excuse from the pain of reality

I'm stuck back there

Because of what we share

Guess all this wasn't never meant to be fair