Chapter 3: Opening Up

A week passed uneventfully after her breakdown, and she was beginning to think that the worst had blown past. She was starting to feel freer and happier here, and the ability to forget the past and move on was beginning to seem like a reachable skill.

Until Andrew called her to his office, that was. She walked into the grey cubicle, head down, shoulders hunched with uncertainty. She didn’t know him well enough yet to know why he was calling her to his office or what it meant, but she did know that typically, being called into an authority’s office without a prior appointment constituted a bad thing. It almost felt like she was in high school again, being sent to the dean’s office for misbehavior.

She cleared her throat as she entered, and Andrew looked up. As soon as he saw her, he smiled warmly and ushered her in. “Have a seat… I just wanted to talk to you. Don’t worry; you aren’t in trouble.”

She relaxed a bit, sighing in relief when he spoke without any hint of anger or annoyance in his voice or posture. Walking to the chair he’d indicated, she sat down, giving him a weak smile. Her legs felt like jelly after all the tension that had built up in her body as she stressed out over this meeting.

Andrew cleared his throat, looking at her. “Nari, I’m worried about you… Other people are saying that you’re actively avoiding them and friendships… I’m worried that you aren’t developing the connections you need to be successful here.”

She gave a nervous laugh. “Avoiding people and friendships? Me?”

He continued to stare at her, and she ducked her head, cheeks turning crimson with embarrassment. “No one’s even bothered to approach me. I don’t think they want to be friends, and anyway, professional is the best I can offer.” She muttered.

He raised an eyebrow when she glanced up at him. “I think that you’re short-changing yourself. You have a lot more to offer to someone other than just a professional relationship, and you would be a great friend to have. No one approaches you because you’ve made it clear you don’t want them around.”

“Because they obviously don’t want me around!” She insisted, staring intently at the computer terminal’s blinking green buttons.

Andrew snorted. “Believe me, they want you around. They’re all very curious, and I know for a fact that you’re a kind, generous person, however much you may wish to convey another sort of person. You’re loyal and hard-working from what I can see, and add to that mixture your attractive appearance… Let’s just say most are interested in meeting you.”

“If you think that, then you don’t know me. I’m sarcastic, rude, and as my mother was fond of saying, as charming as mud.” Nari dead-panned.

“Then your mother needed her vision checked.” Andrew grinned.

A laugh bubbled up from inside of her. She let it out, giggling at first, and then laughing hard. Tears streamed down her face. “Her vision was fine!" She gasped.

He smiled at her. “Maybe so, but you don’t know the effect you have on people. Half the men and boys on this base don’t focus when you’re around, and you’ve only been here for a month.” He clasped his hands, resting them on his knees.

She gave him a searching glance. His smile was still there, but his eyes were dead serious.

“Really?”

“Really.” He answered, no longer smiling. He patted her knee. "You're quite distracting, even if you don't know it yet."

Nari frowned. That wasn’t good at all. People needed to do their jobs well, and if she were a distraction, they wouldn’t do that.

“Maybe I should stay away from them or make them hate me?” She suggested.

Andrew rolled his eyes in exasperation. "I'm sure that would help, Nari."

“Quit being sarcastic. I’m serious.” She rocked back a bit in her metal-backed chair, trying to find a comfortable position.

“Heaven help us if your method of making people hate you is what you did to poor Chenn.” Andrew grimaced.

“Chenn?”

“Chenn Covalenti. He’s the boy you assaulted in the hall. You nearly broke his wrist. No one informed you of that?” When she shook her head, he sighed and continued. “Please, don’t do that to any more of my soldiers. I need all of my agents, in training or not.” Andrew smiled, but she knew he was serious.

Nari cleared her throat, shifting in her seat again, uncomfortable and embarrassed. “I’m sorry, Andrew. I didn’t mean to hurt him. I just… I really thought he was trying to hurt me.”

“Well, the instinct to protect yourself isn't a bad one, Nari, but you need to learn to think rationally in situations where you are frightened because otherwise you may end up injuring those who would otherwise be your friends. Don't worry about it too much. I'm sure he doesn't blame you. Maybe next time, he'll think twice about just grabbing a distraught person by the shoulders." He laughed.

Nari nodded. “I know.”

Andrew gave her shoulder a squeeze. “Look, why don’t you hang out with Chenn? He’s quite a friendly, charming young man, though a bit reckless. You never know. You two might become good friends.”

She gave him a look. “I don’t know. I’ll consider it.” She paused, thinking hard. “Wait, did you say Chenn?”

“Yes. Why?”

“Oh, well, it’s just that every girl on base has been talking about him. Apparently he’s quite popular.” She made a sour face.

“Hmm… I’m not surprised. Put it like this: Chenn has a magic charm and the looks to accompany it.” Andrew grinned at her.

“Oh great… A popular boy and one who is good looking. Bound to know that he’s charming, and he’ll probably be a jerk about it. Why would I want to hang out with him, Andrew?”

“Give him a chance, Nari. But be careful. You might find yourself falling in love before you know it!” He winked at her then stood. "Well, that’s all that I had to say to you… You’re dismissed to go to class. Indri knows that you’ll be late due to this chat."

She nodded, but her mind was reeling. Standing up, she turned to walk out of the door, faltering in her step for a moment as she realized the implications of his words. He had noticed at least a small piece of her fear and desire. And he’d called her out on it too.

Her? Fall in love? When had that ever happened? She’d been the only girl she knew who never dated. Her friends had to drag her out of the house, and she’d strictly avoided anything involving boys. They made her feel uncomfortable, and she didn’t like people that much anyway. It was strange to think that maybe she might be able to feel that way about someone. She doubted it would truly happen, but the thought insistently took root in her mind, refusing to budge. Slight though the hope was, it was a bit of light anyway. She desperately wanted to believe that she could love someone and he could love her back. Maybe Andrew was right. Maybe the time just hadn’t been right before.

Should she go and see Chenn? Andrew had suggested that she should, but she didn’t like what she’d heard from all the girls. He sounded like every other popular guy. Arrogant and a know-it-all.

No. She shouldn’t go see him. She’d just end up sorry for it. But then, Andrew had said she should. 

No! I’m not going to. I’ll try to make friends with some of the girls, but I don’t want anything to do with Chenn or any of the other men. I’ve always avoided guys, and I’ve done fine so far, so I’ll just continue on that way.

Class didn’t seem like a very fun prospect right then, but she knew she had to be there, so she let her feet lead her in that direction as she contemplated the things that Andrew had said to her.

 ***

Chenn cradled his twisted wrist against his belly. It hurt today. It had been a full week since Nari had injured him, but he still felt the pain occasionally. It was getting better, though, and Chenn was beginning to resume normal activities.

A young woman with silky blond hair and wide green eyes flitted over to his side.

“Chenn?” Her voice was airy and bubbly.

He wanted to sigh in irritation. He was sick of the way the girls reacted to him. True, there were only a handful of them on West Base – probably only twenty out of the two hundred men here. But there were enough of them to tick him off. He hated airy, empty-headed women.

Only he knew that they weren’t empty headed. People weren’t accepted into MBC unless they were smart and quick to react. No, the girls – well, women really – only reacted this way to him.

Pasting a smile onto his face, he turned to see which one of the women had hailed him this time.

It was Vanessa. Chenn would have groaned, but he had to be polite. He couldn’t have every single person on base hating him, not even if he hated them back. After all, the agents of MBC were all smart and more than capable of making life miserable for him as a newbie.

Still, Vannessa was the worst of them. He’d heard that she had been orphaned, well, deserted really, as a child, and people whispered that it had driven her insane. It made him feel bad for her, but not bad enough to put up with her continual flirting. Part of the problem with nymphs was that they never knew when to stop attempting to seduce the opposite sex. "Vannessa? What can I do for you?"

“Well, I was hoping you’d like to sit with me for breakfast.” She gave him a predatory smile and rested a perfectly manicured hand on his upper arm.

“Uhh…. Well, I sort of… umm… I can’t. I need to go study for the exam on dealing with diverse cultures.” Chenn knew the excuse was lame, but Vanessa seemed satisfied with it. He really did have an exam coming up, but what she didn’t have to know was that he’d already studied enough and knew everything he needed to.

“Oh, well, okay! Maybe tomorrow?” She gave him a wide smile, white teeth flashing at him.

Yeah, or maybe never in a million years, Vanessa. Chenn thought. But he didn’t say it. Instead, he smiled wider, and he said, “Maybe. No promises though.”

“I know… How about if we study together? I have the same class.”

Chenn tried not to groan. Could she be any more obvious? That was the other issue with nymphs. They really had no subtlety whatsoever. He shook his head. “Sorry… But I study best alone.” A fortunate thing for him that this was true. It was just the saving fact he needed.

Her face fell, and he felt bad for brushing her off given what he knew about her past. She’d probably been neglected and rejected more times than he could count, and now he was just adding to it. Little wonder that she was so clingy and obnoxious. She probably wanted to avoid any further pain or rejection. Finally, she cleared her throat and pasted a smile onto her face. “Well, see you tomorrow, I guess.” Her voice was a bare whisper that sounded like the wind whistling through dead, leafless branches.

It only added to his guilt when he realized how badly his rejection had hurt her. She’d really been hoping he would say yes. I don’t treat anyone else any differently, though… So it’s not like I’m being mean. Just fair. Wouldn’t want her to get the wrong idea. Convincing himself wasn’t working, but he had to try anyway. The unmistakable look of frustration and barely contained tears in her eyes wasn’t helping at all.

Before it could get any more uncomfortable or guilt inducing, Chenn turned around, heading out of the dining hall. The best he would get for breakfast today would be a muffin. Not that he was complaining. He was used to this sort of minimalistic living from his days in jail. Anyway, if he tried to sit down and eat, then he’d have to deal with the guilt of watching Vannessa sit by herself in a corner. No one else was willing to sit with the loud-mouthed nymph, and it almost made him turn around again to go sit with her when he thought about it. Almost. But he wasn’t that suicidal yet. Just because he felt bad for her didn’t mean he was at the point where he was willing to put up with her for any longer than necessary.

On his way past the breakfast bar, Chenn ran into a young woman. He was just about to snag a muffin from the table when she slammed into him. A thick red and gold bound volume went flying as she rammed into him.

“Oh! I’m sorry!” She looked up at him. She walked quickly over to where her book had landed, hastily picking it up before someone could step on it.

“Don’t mention it. People do it all the time to me, it seems. Apparently, running into me in the halls is quite a pastime." Chenn joked, trying to get a laugh out of the quiet, serious girl.

She didn't seem to be very happy, and for some reason, he didn't like that. It bothered him that she wasn't happy and smiling. It also bothered him that his joke was not bringing even the hint of a smile to her lips. 

It peaked his curiosity instantly. Why was she so serious? Why did she seem to have a lonely, sad quality about her? She seemed almost haunted by something, and he wanted to know what. Her eyes met his in a flash of irritation, and he wilted, wishing he hadn't said anything. It didn't quench his desire to know more about her, to connect with her in some way, but it certainly quenched his courage to say anything.

She cleared her throat, a muscle in her jaw clenching tightly. “Very funny. Well, I'm going to get something to eat, and I’ll hope that the memory of horrid jokes doesn’t make me sick. Sorry for walking into you.” She walked off.

There was no attempt to flatter him or simper over him. At best, she simply apologized and walked off. At worst, she had made fun of him.

Chenn gaped at her, eyes wide. What’s wrong with her? What a jerk. I can’t believe she just did that… For some reason, Chenn found it annoying that she hadn’t been the slightest bit interested in him. All the fawning that the other women were giving him must be going to his head. He’d never been annoyed when people didn’t pay attention to him back on Earth. There he’d done all he could to avoid attention.

But then again, he’d spent ten of those years in jail for an accident that had killed a girl. It hadn’t been his fault, but he had been the only one standing there when the girl was discovered shot dead, and he had been holding the gun. So to the witnesses and police, he seemed the only realistic culprit for the girl’s death.

Prison hadn’t been a breeze, and he’d done all he could to avoid the inmates. The warden and staff of the jail had branded him a recluse, and he guessed he had been. Before he went to jail, he had been a dogged extrovert. He had loved people and being around them.

But jail had changed all that. He had stopped talking to people, and most of the habitual secrecy and pain had stuck to him after he was released from jail ten years later. He’d spent two years muddling around on Earth trying to make a life and forget his terrible past and the girl’s pale, haunting face.

And he’d given up. He’d come here to escape all that. It hadn’t worked, but at least here, he was doing something useful and eating well. It beat working all hours at a grocery store where he didn’t get paid enough to afford enough to eat or a decent place to stay.

He gazed after the auburn-haired girl who had bumped into him. She still had her nose in her book. From where he was standing, he could just make out the cover. "Art of War" by Sun Tzu.

He stared at the binding of the book, surprised. While Art of War was hardly an unheard of book in military establishments, he hadn’t expected to see a woman reading it with such avid interest. The girls in his class had been indifferent. They read it because it was assigned, and they said that it had many good points, but none of them had expressed interest. This young woman on the other hand, was completely absorped by the words on the page. She almost bumped into three other people on her way to find a table. 

He watched her for another few minutes. Eventually, she looked up and glanced back. When she saw him staring, she glared at him and immediately sat down at an abandoned table in the back of the dining hall. He mentally shook himself out of the strange mood he felt creeping in on him as he stared back at her. 

He was still wondering how he might start a conversation with her. Since she liked books on tactics from what he had seen, maybe that would be a good conversational topic. 

He shook his head. What am I thinking? She isn’t the least bit interested, you idiot. She’s rude too… Why would you ever want to start a conversation with her? He shivered, unsure why he felt so strange all of the sudden, and turned away. Walking out of the hall, he forgot all about breakfast or any half-laid plans to grab a muffin on the way out of the mess hall.

 ***

Nari sat at her table, eating her roll and eggs as she read her book. Andrew had given it to her. She hadn't known what to make of it at first. The book had been so highly praised by military personnel around her that she'd been expecting something grand and startling. Instead, the book was simple. The underlying principles and concepts were anything but simple, of course, but the language used was not complex or grand. It was common and easily understood. 

Glancing about for a moment, she saw that the young man she had bumped into had left the room. Who was he anyway? He had looked familiar somehow, but she couldn’t place him. Maybe she’d run into him somewhere in West Base before. And another thing, why was he staring at her? She wasn't that interesting. Maybe she'd been a bit too rude with him. He didn't really deserve a tongue lashing for being terrible at making jokes. Well, what was done was done. She wasn't going to hunt him down to make an apology. Not only did she not know him, but she didn't want to initiate any further contact between them.

Shrugging, she turned back to her book. What did she care about some strange boy with a twisted sense of humor? She soon immersed herself in her book and breakfast, forgetting about the boy and everyone else around her.