Rant

For some reason, I always seem to like the guys who are not what is best for me. Like, for example, currently I’ve had a crush on this guy who does not take his academics seriously and occasionally smokes pot. Now, I take my classes seriously and I am 100% against drug usage. But, this guy is one of the nicest guys you’ll ever meet. And I kept telling myself to stop liking him because of those two facts but I couldn’t help how I felt about him. He made me laugh and he made me smile and he made me feel special. But. I’ve come to realize that he treats everyone the same way he treats me. Which, isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it makes you wonder how much you actually mean to him in terms of his relationship with other people VS you and if he even cares about you as much as you care about him. As far as I know, he might even treat strangers this nicely. And so you have to wonder how special you really are to him. And, even though I know how I feel about him, I also know he isn’t the kind of guy I want in my life. As a boyfriend. I kind of want to be friends with him still but trying not to like him is going to take a lot of effort regardless of the fact that he does things I am quite against. I just wish I understood my heart and I wish I never liked him because he is not right for me.