There’s This Boy

So there's this boy

Who's not really a boy anymore

That I liked a lot

He might've been my first real crush

But he broke me

He whispered sweet nothings in my ear

And kissed it after

I felt like I had won the lottery

But all I won was a shattered heart

I may have not loved him

Entirely

But I was getting there

He looked deeply into my eyes

And I believed everything he said

Not realizing that he had betrayed me

Maybe we were nothing

And maybe we would have never been anything

But he was the first one

I had a lot of crushes growing up

But none of those ever came close to what I felt for him

And he still looked into my eyes

And promised me heaven

I fell into his trap

And he just laughed at me

Oblivious

He made me feel stupid

I should have seen it coming

So many red flags

And I ignored them all

Deliberately

Because I had trusted him

And I only have one question for him

'How could you look me in the eye, tell me that I was the one you were going to love after what you did?'

I wish I could tell you what you did to me

And how much it hurt me

But the mere thought of looking into your eyes

Reminds me of all the things I saw you do and ignored

Because you made me feel good without touching me

Because you made me fall for you

Stupid me

With my broken back

You weren't there to break my fall

I want to hate you

Vanish you from my life

But you taught me so many incredible things

I'm forcing my mind to believe that those were real

But it asks another question

'Were you teaching me a lesson on not trusting anybody or were you making fun of me all along?'

I wish I could say that your actions made me stronger

But I'm not so sure

I had never been good at trusting people

And I hate myself for having done so with you