A Completely Unique Story You’ve Never Heard Before

A long time ago, in a place unlike any other place... but yet familiar enough to make sense... there lived a cat. This cat could walk around on its back legs, and it even wore a pair of... loafers. This cat in loafers was also great at playing Scattergories--so great, that the cat in loafers was invited to participate in the largest tournament of problem-solving party games in all the land.

The party was to be that night, but the cat in loafers didn't want to go to the tournament, because he needed some alone time. It'd been a long week, and the cat in loafers, while outgoing and all, needed some time to recharge. The more the cat in loafers thought about how awesome that tournament was going to be, the more the cat decided it should make the effort to go.

But, instead of taking a nap or maybe taking the day off work, on its lunch break, the cat in loafers decided to visit this witch who really liked apples and mirrors and eating apples in front of mirrors. Anyway, the witch gave the cat in loafers a magic restfulness and anti-social anxiety potion that made the cat in loafers feel just like it had spent the whole evening reading in bed. The witch did warn the cat in loafers just before it headed out that the potion was only good until midnight, but the witch couldn't remember whether that was midnight local time or midnight in the timezone where the potion was manufactured, but the cat in loafers didn't really care all that much, and, honestly, neither do I.

So the cat in loafers decided that it would head to the big party game tournament after all and took the potion with a saucer of milk for dinner. The witch may have neglected to tell the cat in loafers about the side effects of the potion, though. Specifically, that the cat in loafers would be turned into a watermelon--a well-rested and socially agreeable watermelon. The cat in loafers was sadly not able to attend the tournament, and that witch made it out of town before the cat in loafers had the chance to file a claim with the Better Business Bureau... and burn her hut to the ground.

With all that said, the cat in loafers' absence at the tournament only added to its game-playing mystique in the ever-expanding world of professional problem-solving party game players. And the cat in loafers was still one heck of a Scattergories shark. So everyone lived happily ever after, except for the makers of the watermelon potion. Their potion patents all expired soon after, and they went out of business which was a huge economic loss to all the land.

The End.