shattered.

A while back we were on the phone. You were telling me about your ex girlfriend and the awful things she's done to you. You told me about how if I met her, she'd talk about music and about how she likes to dye her hair different colors and how shes a wild one. I said back "wow... it seeems we have a lot in common" and I sent you pictures of the concerts I've been to, the crazy colors I've dyed my hair, and told you about my plans to travel everywhere and to skydive. You replied back "no no no. You guys have similar interests but you are nothing like her. I love you so much and I know you'd never hurt me the way she did."

Three weeks later, I had the same title as she did.

The night before my world shattered, we were talking about how we finally got to see each other since we had seen each other last, three months ago. All we had to do is wait six more days. Six. More. Days. It was nothing, right? I mean nothing compared to the three months we already had on us, what's six more days?

Less than twenty four hours later, you told me the distance had gotten to be too much and you couldn't do it anymore.

Minutes before you were saying how excited you were to call me that much and just say how much you loved me.

Then everything had changed. My life changed. The person I thought I'd have forever was just gone, and I didn't understand. I was broken, I am broken.

Everybody just keeps telling me it's going to okay. That this pain will go away after a while and that it'll be okay and it only takes time. But how can I believe any of this is going to be better when I remember that night so well? When I remember "I love you, but..." When I remember you choking back tears as you told me I couldn't make you happy anymore?

How am I supposed to ever be okay?

I was happy, you told me you were happy, and how could it had changed that quickly? How long had you been lying to me about you loving me? When I had been pouring my heart out to you, telling you about times that I hadn't ever told anyone, were you just telling me the things you wanted me to hear?

I'm done with this, I'm done with you. You hurt me so much after I had given you so much, and I don't know how to continue. You were the light in my life, and I went through the day just knowing that whatever happened throughout the day, that I could come to you and just... be happy.

I have a hole in my heart the shape of you and nothing will be able to fix the emptiness exactly... I will forever be missing something.

Many times did we fall asleep on the phone with each other, waking up in the morning to each others breathing... as if we had been together all night. I was excited to wake up next to you in the morning. Not just your voice, not just my phone on my pillow, but you. Now none of those dreams matter. They've been shattered...

I am shattered.