Writer Gets Her Revenge
The problem with giving someone the key to your brain is that they can access it even after they've ended things
I know it's not a "break"
I know it's done for you
If you wanted to be with me
in the future
you wouldn't have said
for me to try again with someone else
To me that's something you say when you didn't really mean when you said I love you
or made plans with someone
You would have realized that this was something you didn't want to lose
and the thought of me being with someone else
would you as sick as it makes me feel
right now
You can tell me it's not my fault
until your very last breath
and I still won't believe you
The rationale part of my brain
has clicked off
And now all the things I've been telling myself for years are coming back to chew the inside of my brain
There's something wrong with me
I can't be happy
Won't be happy
because of something I couldn't control
Because of a decision that wasn't mine
I'll never be able to be with someone
I'll never be better
and trying is just
fucking pointless
And you couldn't even wait
till we could sit down and talk this out
like adults
That really fucking hurts
because I wasted so much time
coming up with words
to show you what you mean to
me
I wrote them down
like an idiot
Showed them to you
like an even bigger idiot
You probably won't read this
But if you do
just know that...I'm sorry
I wasn't going to give up
I would have stayed and helped you figure things out
Because you meant that much too me
but I guess I didn't mean that much to you
the cycle continues and the timeline repeats