I Never Knew Love Could Be Like This

March fourth, the day I have dreaded since it broke my soul two years ago. Yes, two years ago. I lost my virtue to a man-child who ignored the first time I told him I loved him to keep thrusting into his own pleasures. March fourth, when I became a disappointment of a life to him. I hate the fourth of March. I hate the nineteenth and twenty-ninth of January. I hate september third. I hate that day of Midnight June when I asked if if he would marry me. I told him no bullshit, just an answer. I didn't need excuses. He said no. He didn't love. He liked my body, adn even that wasn't enough.

Two years. March Fourth Two thousand eighteen. Two years. This, he's captured my heart. Not a fuckboy looking for some nudes or someone telling me I am to blame for those two-years-ago. He's young, the very definition of awkward, and he has no sure path he wants to follow. But he knows he wants me to be there. He wants me, me, to be there to motivate him and give him hope. Today, march 4, I asked with the hesitance only heartbreak can bring if he saw us married in the future. If he saw us together. He said we don't know what the future holds, but he hopes we do. He says he would be happy if we could.

I don't know if these tears

are from those two yearts

ago when I wept

myself to when we first met.

September third.

I don't know if I cry

because he doesn't lie

becasue he's gentle and kind

and we find a similar state of mind-

each other.

I thought I had experienced love before. I thought I knew gentleness when he watched me cry with an ache in his eyes two years ago.

Now, I wonder how I could've been so blind. We're enjoying the now we have, with gentle confessions and flustering conversations. I never knew love could be this colorful.

I never love love could be like this

~March 4, 2018