[moostang73 is typing...]

tinytomato98: Hi daddy!

[moostang73 is typing…]

I was always a very energetic and probably annoying kid at school. However, I was less that at home, more hesitant and meek. Every family gathering with my dad's side of the family consisted of me clinging to my dad, quietly sitting on his knee while the adults talked.

“Why don't you go play with your cousins, Hailey?” Momma would quietly ask. I’d shake my head, not feeling like I fit in. I was much more content, sitting quietly on daddy's knee, listening to what the adults were saying.

When my mother would make me go play with my cousins, I would feel like they didn’t really like me. We would play with our little stuffed animals or toys, making conversations. My two cousins never really seemed really into it.

“I’ll take these two and you guys can have these ones. They can all be friends and stuff.” I would pick up my little arabian horse Webkinz and the chihuahua Webkinz. “This is S’mores and she is Chloe.”

My cousin, Chloe, picked up her two Webkinz: one was a monkey and the other was a white cat. “Uhm, I’ll call him Bananas and this one … uhm, this one will be … Kitty,” Chloe said in a voice that I could tell meant she really didn’t care and was only doing this because her parents probably told her to include me.

“Okay, then I will name this one Billy and this other one Isabella,” our older cousin, McKenzie, said. She had two Webkinz: a German shepherd and a white mouse. She seemed interested, but I never thought that she was really into it. I felt that she was just playing with the two of us because we were the only other girls.

We would play like this for a while until Chloe would get bored and we couldn’t agree on what to do next. We’d argue for a while, Chloe seemingly targeting me and McKenzie trying to calm the flames.

“You always pick and you pick really dumb things.”

My eyes started watering, “You guys agreed to play it…”

“Why does it always have to be animals this and animals that?”

“Chloe…”

“I’m tired of playing with you and your dumb toys,” Chloe threw my stuffed animals across the room. With a quiet sound of concern for my Webkinz, I hurriedly gathered them up into a bag, wiped my eyes, and went silently out to my dad again. I sat with him, face blank as I escaped into the boring adult talk, safe on his knee.

moostang73: hello. How was your day?

tinytomato98: you type slow, daddy. Well…

The day my daddy left for Iraq was rough. The light blue sky was clear and the sun beat down on us hard. The drive down to camp Atterbury was a long and quiet one. My brother and I just stared out our windows and my momma clung to daddy’s hand. The radio blabbed and sung but got caught in the sad thickness in the air.

We got to Atterbury and the air was full of the same feeling we were experiencing. The whole 1538th unit and their families were gathered, hugging and crying. We alternated between sitting on the uncomfortable metal folding chairs and talking to other families. The whole time, I was clinging to my daddy’s arm. We waited for the moment when we had to leave him, uncomfortably longing for him to be able to stay. When it came time for the men to go to formation before leaving, I gave my daddy one of my beanie babies, a little horse that was clearly well-loved.

“Here daddy, take Fillie with you…”

My daddy kneeled down and held my hands around Fillie, “Are you sure? I know how much she means to you.”

I nodded with tears in my eyes. He smiled at me and took her from my hands, holding her gently before tucking her safely into his pocket. I hugged daddy and cried, “It’s so.. It’s so you don’t forget me…”

With a soft, sad laugh, my momma gently pulls me away from my daddy. “There’s no way he would ever do that, sissy.” Momma holds me and Nick close while we watch daddy give her a quick kiss before they exchange their “I love yous” and he goes off to his formation.

We sat in those stupid metal chairs for another hour afterwards while the people in charge were talking about something I don’t remember.

tinytomato98: my tailbone hurts, I think the chairs from when we dropped you off bruised me.

[moostang73 is typing…]

tinytomato98: mom doesn’t believe me

…

[moostang73: is typing…]

moostang73: I’m sorry

[moostang73: is typing…]

tinytomato98: I miss you daddy…

That Christmas was a weird one. I had never had a Christmas that was so melancholy. I didn’t want to get out of bed that morning. I was usually bounding downstairs and waiting excitedly for everyone else to wake up, but I didn’t want to go down. I knew that I would wait and daddy wouldn’t be there.

“Sissy! Are you coming?”

“Yeah, mom! One second!”

I lay there for a bit longer before climbing out of bed and putting on my pink onesie with froggies on it. I sigh and walk up the stairs and out of the basement, making my way to the living room. The lights of the Christmas tree were bright and cheerie, making me feel almost angry. I walked in and Nick and momma were waiting for me. Our dog, Mac, was excitedly running around and sniffing the presents. Nick grabbed him when he went to paw at one of our presents.

“Come on, Hailey. We are waiting on you,” Nick said while holding Mac.

I sat down and my momma directed us to which presents were ours. There was a large, cylindrical one that she said was mine. We took turns opening presents as usual and I went for the cylinder first. As I peeled the paper off slowly, peeling off the tape as to rip the paper as little as possible, I saw a plastic bag with a blanket in it. As I finished unwrapping it, I saw that it was a blanket with a tiger on it. The tiger looked like it was walking towards me.

When we finished opening up all of our presents, I took the blanket out of the bag and laid it out. It filled most of the living room and was sooooooo soft. I couldn’t believe how awesome it was. “Your daddy got that for you, he thought you would like it,” momma said to me while I rolled around on the blanket. I smiled and made myself into a burrito in the blanket, cuddling into the gift from my daddy.

moostang73: how was school?

tinytomato98: not great…

tinytomato98: I started crying for no reason in the middle of class…

[moostang73 is typing…]

tinytomato98: I had to move to the back of the class while everyone else listened to the math lesson

[moostang73 is typing…]

tinytomato98: Ms. K came over and comforted me after giving everyone some assignments to work on in groups and helped me calm down.

moostang73: im sorry. I’ll be home in a few months

tinytomato98: I miss you…

My dad was always a quiet guy (my friends now describe him as “mousey”) but he was hilarious. We would be sitting there having a conversation and then he would say something weird and get some odd looks or laughs. I loved this. When my momma and brother went to bed sometimes, daddy and I would stay up watching random old cowboy movies. I would sit next to him and try to curl up to him until he told me to scoot over.

“Scoot over.”

“But daddy, I wanna cuddle…”

“Cuddle with Mac?”

I look at the dog and call him over. He jumps up and shoves his face at me to pet him. He let me pet him for a while until he got bored and decided to go play with his toys. I sighed and continued to watch the movie, satisfied for now with just being next to daddy.

tinytomato98: the house is really quiet

moostang73: isn’t your brother home?

tinytomato98: yeah, well it feels quiet anyway

tinytomato98: like something is missing

[moostang73 is typing…]

tinytomato98: i think it’s because you aren’t here to make your funny comments

moostang73: I thought Mac would fill that hole

When daddy came home, it was so weird how it felt. I was super excited to see him again, but I worried that maybe he would be different. Though I wasn’t completely sure about how war can affect someone, I knew it could. We waited in the airport with my aunt and cousins, all of us holding signs to welcome my daddy home.

As soon as we saw him come in, my momma ran to him and threw her arms around him. My brother and I followed close behind her. I clung to my daddy and cried happily, knowing my daddy was finally home again, to stay.

We got home to Mac wondering who daddy was, he apparently forgot about him. “I’m here to rob the place, Mac.” My daddy said as he set down his bags and took off his boots. We chuckled and went to spend time with each other, watching Chopped on tv.

The house felt nice now that the silence is filled and I don’t have to wait for my daddy to respond. No more “moostang73 is typing…”